Brand New Song from Philtheman "<i>take a look</i>"

[philtheman]

If you like shine you'll like this one. The end is not done, I still need to add a ripping solo and drums but this is basically it. The cheesey bass solo at the end wont be there for the final version so dont worry when you think <i>"this bass solo is gay to the max hardcore</i>"
BTW I am playing everything just to let you know. I am primarily a drummer but know my way around a guitar.
Here are the lyrics, if you can please critique these too thx

Im so tired of being alone
My feet are worn from this lonely road
Please come take me somewhere warm
Somewhere out of this love storm
I dont have anywhere to run
Wil someone finally come to see me

Pre Ch:
I havent seen you for so long
I think its finally time to move on

Ch:
Where have you been all my life
Counting the seconds till I run and hide
But this time wont you try to find?
Who are we to judge this book by what we see
Its all inside
Inside of me

VII
Just like I can see through your eyes
An apologetic smile wont win me this time
Just like its been before
Ill stumble through the open door
Please legs dont fail me now
Ill get through this somehow

Pre Ch
Ch

Its called <i>Take A Look</i>
http://www.sendspace.com/file/dhzkp8

[philtheman]

Anybody?

[Banjobach]

Well the first line seems ripped straight from a john mayer song. But that aside, the technicalities seem alright. The percussions, bass, guitar seem all good and clean. The song sort of meanders along until the slow down half way through (which was a nice touch by the way). Maybe something else could be thrown in to the mix to cut through the dull humm from the bass and guitar (perhaps the "ripping solo" as you say). As it is, the song is bassy which is okay, but i'd like to hear something higher come through. Thats just my two cents. Anyways it was a pleasure to listen to for the most part. Cant wait to hear the final product.

And sorry about the lack of critiques, im experiencing the same problem with a post i put up and still no response back. It sucks when it just dissappears to the bottom, its a shame too. i guess there's just a critiqing drought...

[AustinG]

this didn't get more attention with the quality of your other posts...

Anyways.... nice work once again... Yes familiar sounding, but most popular music is...


Suggestion- at 1:05/6 I'd like to hear something different.. I really like the words but I'm not feeling like you mean it when you said "move on", now maybe you're going for that.. but if you're not, try to feel more heartfelt maybe even a bit more upbeat.. but if you're trying to portray a feeling as if you can't move on I still think u can say the phrase better..


All in all good work once again, I dig your sound, make sure you post a link when you finish your cd.

I may have asked you this before, so sorry in advance, What kind of mixer are you using? Or are you doing this in a studio..?

[philtheman]

this didn't get more attention with the quality of your other posts...

Anyways.... nice work once again... Yes familiar sounding, but most popular music is...


Suggestion- at 1:05/6 I'd like to hear something different.. I really like the words but I'm not feeling like you mean it when you said "move on", now maybe you're going for that.. but if you're not, try to feel more heartfelt maybe even a bit more upbeat.. but if you're trying to portray a feeling as if you can't move on I still think u can say the phrase better..


All in all good work once again, I dig your sound, make sure you post a link when you finish your cd.

I may have asked you this before, so sorry in advance, What kind of mixer are you using? Or are you doing this in a studio..?

Thanks. Not sure what your talking about on the 1:05/6 thing but ill take a listen to it. I am using a yamaha MG10/2 mixer. Thats whatit says on the console.

[RunsWithBuffalo]

I dig it man, the instrumentation is solid, no crituques or suggestions. The mix is also good.

It sounds like you haven't fully fleshed out the melody. The singing is good and i like your voice. Just keep singing it and it will come.

Also, lay on the back up vocals a little more, i hear them a little bit but they arent making the sound much bigger.

Very impressive, you are quite a musician and i actually like the bass part, sounds really good

[AustinG]

Thanks. Not sure what your talking about on the 1:05/6 thing but ill take a listen to it. I am using a yamaha MG10/2 mixer. Thats whatit says on the console.

Sorry I should have been more descriptive... I can't remember entirley now, but I think it just didn't sound full or maybe cut off, maybe draw it out a bit when you sing/say it... Maybe that was it, it sounded like you were saying it rather than singing it, if you post again I can tell you fo sho.

[lyrics101]

"The file youve requested does not exist."

[iha]

html doesn't work on here

[philtheman]

Oh, sorry...here it is again

http://www.sendspace.com/file/nb1s59