Matter Over Mind - new original

[HumbleMonkey]

new original, wrote lyrics a little while back and just put to some music this morning


http://www.sendspace.com/file/4on6c2



Matter Over Mind


The minds journeying thoughts wake up in a mid summers panicked screams
While those who try to constrict theirs thoughts end up in a mad mans winter dreams
Yes the strength of you who know what’s true and what is twisting games
Tell the doctor he can’t stamp his diagnoses on the deep scared tissued pains
When deep inside crazy carnival rides turn your reasons into rhymes
The storm rises from the tides whispering the future and its times

And again I try to construct theses days into simple patterns and their schemes
But nothing lends itself into what it really means

The fruits and vines tied to magic carpet rides expose themselves to unfiltered control
They produce a noose to hang upon when escaping from thieving trolls
Who rob and steal and tell stories of what’s real when in reality it’s all a lie
You nod your head and wish you were dead, while to baffled poles you are tied
Around the corner behind visions eyes insanity waits to spring
You know it has come with no warning call except for the silence which it begins to sing

And again I try to construct these days into simple patterns and their schemes
But nothing hints to the matter of what it really seems

Peeking through a steel curtained skull searching for the artifacts of nursery games
Lost innocents broken trail leading into circles of each ones shames
Apologies smile seems so cruel to a shattered hearts suffered wounds
Thorns beneath the curved crooked nails piercing lonely eardrum sounds
Beginning with the end brings joy to the misdemeanored credit screen
Sorrow to the forgotten titled two sailing on a clouded trendy stream

And again I try to construct these days into simple patterns and their schemes
But nothing shines as bright as overvalued gold does gleam

[mangold]

there are some issues with this piece.

you don't have a strong sense of rhythm throughout, especially in the beginning. the harp is out of place.

the lyrics aren't my personal preference, along with your voice, but those are part of your style and no one can tell you theyre right or wrong.

work on the rhythm and maybe some dynamic changes in your voice.

[eliot1171]

Is Dylan a strong influence for you?

[checkii]

i actully like the lyrics. its not randomness, there is some substance.

The harmonica was awful at first. sometimes the volume on it bounced way too high. but it got much better and fit much better as time went on.

I actually love the song. I see what andy meant about your vocals. i dont think you ha ve a bad voice, actually a good voice for this style, jus tthe way you are singing sounds amatuer. You are emphasizing the wrong silabyls, and sometimes it sounds liek you're speeding up words to finish the bar.

i think there needs to be a little more cadence to your vocal delivery, and the only other criticism i would have is that all of the high string strumming sounds weird to me. the song has a bold feel to it, and the high strumming just sounds a little out of place, i wish i could describe that better, but my brain is ready to clock out for the day.

[HumbleMonkey]

Is Dylan a strong influence for you?

yes. dylan is my biggest influence, i have other songs im working on in a different style, but i just find this style fits me the best so far.

[HumbleMonkey]

i actully like the lyrics. its not randomness, there is some substance.

The harmonica was awful at first. sometimes the volume on it bounced way too high. but it got much better and fit much better as time went on.

I actually love the song. I see what andy meant about your vocals. i dont think you ha ve a bad voice, actually a good voice for this style, jus tthe way you are singing sounds amatuer. You are emphasizing the wrong silabyls, and sometimes it sounds liek you're speeding up words to finish the bar.

i think there needs to be a little more cadence to your vocal delivery, and the only other criticism i would have is that all of the high string strumming sounds weird to me. the song has a bold feel to it, and the high strumming just sounds a little out of place, i wish i could describe that better, but my brain is ready to clock out for the day.

thanks for your input, theres a lot of useful stuff you said


i know what you are saying about the harmonica, this recording was actually the first time i played harmonica with this song, so i was just trying to work stuff out for the first time

voice is something im trying to work on, just havent found the perfect voice yet though.

and that last thing you said i know what you are saying, ill just stop doing that

again thanks for the comments

[checkii]

fwiw, i dont think you have a bad voice at all, i think its just the melodies you write aren't working fully. definately a cool song though. thanks for posting it.

[Appfro]

i think you're walking in the write direction w/ your vocals. before, w/ the talking, it was just that, talking. now you have a bit of talking, but for the most part, you're singing. good stuff, imo it's a really positive step for your music.

i know i say this a lot, but again, the harp is really intrucive. and maybe it's a volume issue, but there are missed notes and since it's so loud too, it really breaks concentration from listening to the whole project. also, and i feel like this is just part of your attitude towards music (not an insult), but you have strings out of tune in your guitar, (maybe the B or G) and as much so some may wish that didn't matter that much, it really really does and it stops the listener from listening and it makes them concentrate on that string. almost like a speaker that says um after every sentence.

this is one of my favorite songs that you've done if the things that i mentioned were corrected. it's a good song, much better than some of the other stuff i've heard. also, the harp sounds much better during the breakdown part.

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Really cool lyrics, very dylan. You do need to work on the melody more but i like the voice.

The harmonica is good to but just too loud, turn that down and you will be set. Maybe a few too many notes with it though, id like to hear some of those bends drawn out a little bit more.

Good Job

[iha]

reminds me of leonard cohen

[mbent4679]

Sorry this links not workin for me.