Check out my s#!t?

lyrics101 · Unread post by **lyrics101** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:00 pm

I want to take a listen tonight, so I'm making sure it stays up toward the top.

*bump*

And I'm off....

Pizzle · Unread post by **Pizzle** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:34 pm

lyrics101 wrote:I want to take a listen tonight, so I'm making sure it stays up toward the top.

*bump*

And I'm off....

umm...things don't move down quickly in this forum :lol:

mangold · Unread post by **mangold** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 2:45 pm

mbent4679 wrote:
mangold wrote:
mbent4679 wrote:So what don't you like about it? I'd like to know so I can improve.
well your lyrics are empty, pointlessly vulgar, contradictory, riddled with very simple structure, cliche imagery, improper use of "obliged", some phrases i dont understand, and some vague reference to 2000 years ago...

ever think about going pro as a rapper? you'd kick some ass
and for the record the last comment you made was a low blow and unpreductive. It was a dick thing to say. I would open up to your opinions more if you didn't display them in a juvinial manor. Comments like these ruins the concept of boards.

was it the rapper line, or the 20 minutes i spent typing up a detailed breakdown of my opinion of your lyrics that pissed you off?

you said you wanted crits. i gave you my critique, sorry bout the rap one liner. that was over the line.

mbent4679 · Unread post by **mbent4679** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:23 pm

No, honestly it was your low blows like the eye rolling shit that through me off. I think you had great points otherwise but let this just end i got what i needed from this post. Friendly enviroments help creativity.

mbent4679 · Unread post by **mbent4679** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:24 pm

No, honestly it was your low blows like the eye rolling shit that through me off. I think you had great points otherwise but let this just end i got what i needed from this post. Friendly enviroments help creativity.

mangold · Unread post by **mangold** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:36 pm

if people had been friendly to me when i posted my first recordings, i wouldnt be where i am today

Easy E · Unread post by **Easy E** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:03 pm

I think less of you because of your poor grammar and spelling, there I said it.

lyrics101 · Unread post by **lyrics101** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:12 pm

So.... you were really into the Bad Brains, wrote some lyrics.

Jammed out to The Misfits on the guitar.

Discovered Dave Matthews.

Threw these lyrics onto a Dave-esqu 16th note acoustic strum you came up with (and the music you can do something with, man).

Failed, at seventeen, to look objectively at lyrics you wrote at fifteen when you were stoned (possibly because you were stoned at seventeen as well) to see, "These don't fit a theme."

There's poetry that can be improved and worked upon; there's poetry (you should've seen and noticed it in your fifteen year-old Creative Writing class) that we call "Teen Angst" poetry that should be thrown away and begun again.

This is teen angst poetry.

And if that's the way you handle the word "No," don't even try to enter the industry. You will eaten alive.

mangold · Unread post by **mangold** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:25 pm

see it is possible to be harsher

mbent4679 · Unread post by **mbent4679** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:16 pm

First off i wrote that before I discovered dave I was more into metalica never liked the misfits. What do you think your a psycic or something? ok the lyrics suck. whatever I'll post other songs. more recently written. I didn't think you guys indulged that much into lyrics more than composer.

lyrics101 · Unread post by **lyrics101** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:25 pm

mangold wrote:see it is possible to be harsher

Was that too much? I was trying to go easy on him.

GSR · Unread post by **GSR** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:54 am

Easy E wrote:I think less of you because of your poor grammar and spelling, there I said it.

Lbacker · Unread post by **Lbacker** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:32 am

mangold wrote:cant wait to hear this

well man atleast you are writing stuff...thats better than i am..keep at it.

checkii · Unread post by **checkii** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:03 pm

naughty language in thread title is a no no. but hey, at least you didnt use that language towards a bot. then it would be a big deal...

Kahn · Unread post by **Kahn** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:55 pm

sick lyrics brah, I real lee feal the payn of you're addiction. I meen, when I start jonesin' for a rolled up bone I just want to right some fucking poetry ryt brah?

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