Original - "Mirror"

[thenamenottaken]

vocals are muddy thanks to poor recording equipment but let me know what you think. thanks

http://download.yousendit.com/C64D59C508865DB0

All the searching
Four Corners seen
Wasn't even looking
When I found the greatest thing

Took a moment
To realize
I tripped and I stumbled
And it opened my eyes

Does the light shine
In the black
With no mirror
to reflect

Rose from the dead
Just to take hold again
Just to find I'd
Lose you once again

Nothing matters
Can't even blame myself
God turned his head
Left me all alone

Does the light shine
In the black
With no mirror
to reflect

Bottle in the darkness
Drink to numb the pain
Sentimental memories
Rising once again

[mangold]

the rhythm is pretty flaky in the beginning but tightens up
the vocals are not very good, you are trying to make your voice sound dark, but in doing so you talk almost all of the lyrics and sap away any emotion that would otherwise be found in the vocals
the guitar part is decent, nice little run in there

keep working on it, i would reconsider the vocals

[thenamenottaken]

the rhythm is pretty flaky in the beginning but tightens up
the vocals are not very good, you are trying to make your voice sound dark, but in doing so you talk almost all of the lyrics and sap away any emotion that would otherwise be found in the vocals
the guitar part is decent, nice little run in there

keep working on it, i would reconsider the vocals

thank you so much for the feedback!

per your suggestion i changed up the vocals...let me know if you believe this is an improvement
http://download.yousendit.com/033B33E40D5D86AA

[mangold]

very respectable improvement for a matter of minutes. im going to pretend that my advice caused this.

now that the vocals are better, we can be nitpicky. i would try and smooth out the guitar part, it sounds a little choppy and less cohesive than possible.

[Appfro]

i like the intro. very grim and scary feeling.

i understand that you're going for the low thing, but if you brought this song up just a step or so, it would still come off low and now so unnatural. just my opinion.

i would also suggest bringing the volume up a bit on your vocals, but i read what you said about shotty recording equipment. work on this one. it's got a whitey ford feeling to it, i think if you bring it up a bit and sing it louder you may have something.

edit: didn't see that you posted another link. brb

so you tried it in a different octave...nice touch. honestly, i liked it low, i would just capo it up a few steps. but i like this version too. it keeps it's integrity still. i would work on rhythm a tad. i heard a couple jumps. but other than that, solid unique song.

[thenamenottaken]

i like the intro. very grim and scary feeling.

i understand that you're going for the low thing, but if you brought this song up just a step or so, it would still come off low and now so unnatural. just my opinion.

i would also suggest bringing the volume up a bit on your vocals, but i read what you said about shotty recording equipment. work on this one. it's got a whitey ford feeling to it, i think if you bring it up a bit and sing it louder you may have something.

edit: didn't see that you posted another link. brb

so you tried it in a different octave...nice touch. honestly, i liked it low, i would just capo it up a few steps. but i like this version too. it keeps it's integrity still. i would work on rhythm a tad. i heard a couple jumps. but other than that, solid unique song.

thank you very very much for your feedback! i will definately try and work on your suggestions...not sure if i capo it up if i can sing along but i'll give it a whirl. as it stands i keep my guitar tuned a half step down and that seems to work for my voice best. as far as sounding more fluid i'll fix that just as soon as i become a more talented guitarist. i'm sure that will come any day now.