Original - Rum & Sails

[6_strings_for_life]

Hey everybody I just recorded a new song, Its kinda rough it was done in my bedroom. I just made a purevolume account, feel free to comment on the other songs on there. All critiques good and bad are very welcome. Thanks.


http://www.purevolume.com/scotttokarz

[mangold]

the instrumentals are pretty cool and feature some nice layering. i must say your voice is very distracting for me. not my style, sounds like youre trying to warp it into something its not. Stop trying to sound so evil, just belt it and let your voice be what it is.

the subject matter of the song is also a little strange, though not necessarily bad, i cant seem to find a deeper meaning in it, which is something i like to see in music. obviously if it is a story telling song ignore me.

[6_strings_for_life]

the instrumentals are pretty cool and feature some nice layering. i must say your voice is very distracting for me. not my style, sounds like youre trying to warp it into something its not. Stop trying to sound so evil, just belt it and let your voice be what it is.

the subject matter of the song is also a little strange, though not necessarily bad, i cant seem to find a deeper meaning in it, which is something i like to see in music. obviously if it is a story telling song ignore me.

haha, I didnt think that my voice sounded 'evil' although I will take that as a complement. But I am sorry for it being distracting, Im still working on getting my voice where I want it to be, its just so low and monotone. The song is a story song, and there is a meaning although I know it can be hard to grasp because I have played this song for a few friends and I have got some pretty crazy suppositions on its meaning. Thanks for listening.

[Appfro]

The guitar part is awesome. I love the chord progression, or the root note progression over the chord. it sounds the great.

i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the vocals were awful. you are trying soooooooo very hard for a sound and not only are you talking instead of singing, but it sounds so unnatural. your song has potential, but i couldn't get past the vocals for long enough to hear what you had to say. my suggestion would be to really try to work on singing this song, or develop a talking method that isn't so intrucive to the song. hope this helps.

[mangold]

The guitar part is awesome. I love the chord progression, or the root note progression over the chord. it sounds the great.

i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the vocals were awful. you are trying soooooooo very hard for a sound and not only are you talking instead of singing, but it sounds so unnatural. your song has potential, but i couldn't get past the vocals for long enough to hear what you had to say. my suggestion would be to really try to work on singing this song, or develop a talking method that isn't so intrucive to the song. hope this helps.

i was less blunt

[6_strings_for_life]

The guitar part is awesome. I love the chord progression, or the root note progression over the chord. it sounds the great.

i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the vocals were awful. you are trying soooooooo very hard for a sound and not only are you talking instead of singing, but it sounds so unnatural. your song has potential, but i couldn't get past the vocals for long enough to hear what you had to say. my suggestion would be to really try to work on singing this song, or develop a talking method that isn't so intrucive to the song. hope this helps.

I appreciate your honesty, although it is disheartening. I practice singing for hours daily and seem to make little progress. I thank you for saying the chord progressions are good because Id like to think of myself as a guitarist rather than a singer (for obvoius reasons). Maybe Ill try to record another version of this, but Im not really sure where to go from here..

[Appfro]

The guitar part is awesome. I love the chord progression, or the root note progression over the chord. it sounds the great.

i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the vocals were awful. you are trying soooooooo very hard for a sound and not only are you talking instead of singing, but it sounds so unnatural. your song has potential, but i couldn't get past the vocals for long enough to hear what you had to say. my suggestion would be to really try to work on singing this song, or develop a talking method that isn't so intrucive to the song. hope this helps.

I appreciate your honesty, although it is disheartening. I practice singing for hours daily and seem to make little progress. I thank you for saying the chord progressions are good because Id like to think of myself as a guitarist rather than a singer (for obvoius reasons). Maybe Ill try to record another version of this, but Im not really sure where to go from here..

i'm not trying to say hang up the vocal chords and never try again. practice will always make you better. what i'm saying is that you have to be true to your own voice and not try so hard to make it sound like something it's not. everyone has a natural singing voice just like everyone has a natural speaking voice, you're trying to disguise your real singing voice w/ that monotoned speak/sing thing you were doing. again, my suggestion is to work on singing and not talking, and when you sing, make sure you feel natural, make sure you're not forcing your voice out, make sure you're not disguising it and above all, make sure you feel relaxed. i'm sorry i put it so bluntly, i felt it would be better than disguising what i was trying to say for you. i'm not a great singer or anything, but anytime you need help or pointers, be sure to ask, i'm more than willing to help

[lyrics101]

Try singing it a few keys up. It'll force you to let it ring, and your throat will start to understand what it should feel like when you sing. Don't strain your voice, though; just up a notch or two.

Chords reminded me a of a slower Blur song when it started. Something ever-so-slightly along the lines of "Tender" or "The Universal" during their Beatlesque moments.

[vinestreet98]

you're a great songwriter, actually... the lyrics are pretty awesome, but i agree that most will be distracted by the vocals. i do think you have a lot of potential, though, as i heard on watchtower. you should take some lessons, for sure, and train your ear...
for now, get this song sung by someone who's a little more practiced and you'll have yourself the beginnings of a great track. (towards the 3:00 mark the song feels like it drags but it's a great start)