Original song for the ex

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Ok, An ex girlfriend of mine who is still a really good friend is leaving for semester at sea and i wanted to write a song for her so here it is.

I would appreciate any help you guys can give both musically and lyrically.

Thanks in advance,
Ryan

http://s28.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2SHS ... 05Q9VVTUEJ

Lyrics:
Amber waves and blue green sky
sound of gulls, its making me cry
the thought of you and a boy so shy
whatever happened to you and I

kissing you goodbye
I'm not there but i'm kissing you goodbye

See the boat out on the ocean
the salty air puts me in motion
the wake churns water just like emotion
i feel like im going to explode

kissing you goodbye
I'm not there but I'm kissing you goodbye

Will a heavy heart sink or float
the thought of you in a world so remote
chokes me up, a lump in my throat
for you I wrote every note

Kissing you goodbye
I'm not there but I'm kissing you goodbye

Repeat first verse

Humming cause im still a verse short

[waffle_house_jam]

Wow, I'm really impressed! I really enjoyed it, I thought it was a great song. I think it has a really easy feel to it that's not at all crowded. The harmony was great on it, your voice was very good. If you could post the lyrics to the song it would help us give suggestions, but as is I'll give it a try. At 2:13 or so you go back to a previous verse I think? I think at that point you might want to change up the melody a little bit or hold out some notes or something. Also, instead of "do do do" kind of bit where you hum the melody, I would put some kind of instrumental break, like a very slow guitar solo or something, then come back to the singing when you go into the chorus again. By the way, the verses transition into the chorus very well, I thought that was really cool.
Keep up the good work, man!

[RunsWithBuffalo]

thanks a lot, yeah a guitar solo is probably a good idea, that or some kind of instrumental break.

I reposted with lyrics

thanks again, keep it coming

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Anyone else?

[Kahn]

Ya I like it good job man. It seems to be off time with the drums at times. Also, either make the drums louder, or take them out all together. The piano added nice touches, but it too seemed to be off a couple of times. Nice harmony vocals, they sound great! The only big gripe is the drums, I say do something about that.