My Original

[T1nM4n]

ok this is an original of mine, i havent recorded it until now because my girlfriend and i have been having some problems and i needed to record it so i could burn it to a cd for her. anyways its on my Myspace its called Lasting Elements. i have a bad soar throat and its to the point that i've lost my voice so im lucky i did this recording in time, so that wold explain shaky vocals and what not but please critique them anyways there is always room for me to improve, i think ive come along way if anyone can remember me posting Radio or Flake or #41. the lyrics are also on my myspace so u can read them there. as far as i know my myspace page is temp down, but it should be up soon.

http://www.myspace.com/tqbtb

o ya and if u notice a Beeping in there its my cell phone :/, didnt want to re-record it was getting late

[T1nM4n]

ok the myspace is back up please critique

[Appfro]

dude, you're about half a step flat for as much as i listened to it. i'm going to try to put this nicely, your guitar playing is clean and rhythmic, that's it. you're forcing your voice and it's coming out flat, and your lyrics need a bit of work. it just comes off as cheesy and overdone. i don't mean to be harsh, i really don't. i just think you need to work on some stuff a lot before posting your stuff online.

my suggestions:
keep up the good guitar playing
record guitar and vocals seperately so you can focus more on the vocals
when writing, don't force your words, write down what you're thinking, it doesn't have to rhyme at first, hell, it doesn't have to rhyme at all. but you can tweak it from what you have so it doesn't sound like you're forcing the words to the paper
work on singing on key. do that by practicing. a lot.

keep working

[T1nM4n]

thanks, i will agree with the cheesy lyrics thing, its the first song i ever wrote so its not the lyricaly good but thank you for the pointer, my voice normaly sounds a lot closer into key but i couldnt go higher because this thing with my throat right now prevents me from singing high enough. when i do sing higher my voice just goes silent, i dont know if you've experinced this but i really hope it goes away soon

[Raif2032]

I'll agree, it was out of key pretty much the whole time. The lyrics don't really fit rythmically to the song, so that's something to work on.

Um, I really thought your voice was good except for being out of key and going flat a lot. If you can sing on key then you'd probably have a pretty decent voice. er, if that makes sense.

i just think you need to work on some stuff a lot before posting your stuff online

I don't really agree with that fro, I Mean, i'd rather people post things online and get better before they go out and play in a bar or something.

[T1nM4n]

ya that makes sense, could i fix being flat by moving capo 1 fret, cuz currently i play the song capo on 2nd fret

[T1nM4n]

any suggestions on song i could do that are close to my range to help me practice cuz im not that good at writing my own yet

[Appfro]

ya that makes sense, could i fix being flat by moving capo 1 fret, cuz currently i play the song capo on 2nd fret

i don't think that's the problem. if you capo it down one then you're just going to drop your voice half a step. that's how it works. capoed on the 2nd fret seems to work w/ your vocal range, you were just like a quarter step flat. so if i were you, i'd keep it where it is, and just work on being in key.

i just think you need to work on some stuff a lot before posting your stuff online

I don't really agree with that fro, I Mean, i'd rather people post things online and get better before they go out and play in a bar or something.

i understand what you're saying, i guess my point is that these boards are kind of harsh on originals. if it's not good, they just won't post. they won't even tell you it's bad, very few people come to this forum and actually objectively and constructively criticize. that was my point.