New original... Please Critique!!
New original... Please Critique!!
Hey guys, this is my new song that I just wrote tonight. Its an acoustic version right now, but I am planing on adding drums, piano, bass, all that good stuff real soon. Also I don't really like the name of the song so after you guys listen, give me some ideas of what i should call it. Heres the link http://www.savefile.com/files/9011854 Enjoy!
I have my two originals up on myspace, you can check them out here http://www.myspace.com/mattbotsford Check em out 
The girl:
Cool progression. nothing spectacular, but i like it. Your guitar playing is good, you have a good sense of rhythm and your playing is pretty clean
you have a good voice, but you're not using it. the entire song is pretty much monotone. you should try stepping out on a limb and getting high and low.
I personally don't like the lyrics that much. there are some good lines in there but in the end it sounds like you're trying too hard to rhyme. it's kind of a pet peeve of mine so maybe others won't mind it so much. but i guess the only thing i can say to fix that is write what you think down and then try to make them into "verses" and "choruses" and don't try so hard to rearrange your sentences and use words that rhyme perfectly. it's not that important to the song writing process. ...also the "Hello" part of it is super cheesy
Dark side of love:
in this one you've attempted to go further out vocally so you can disregard what i said earlier
the chords in the chorus are badass. good dissanence (and i know i spelled that wrong). I really like the chorus except for the last line. i would try something else. i have no suggestions though so i'm really not helping.
as far as the verses go, you do a better job of what i saying for the last song. like when you used the words "pieces" and "reason" to rhyme. That's good stuff, but you still sound like you're struggling to make the words rhyme. if you'll stay away from that i think you'll eventually start putting out some really good stuff. your stuff is good, it just needs some tweaking. and i like this second song a lot more than the first song for the record.
good stuff, definetly more talent than some i've heard on here. you should submit a song to the original contest. entries have to be in before the 18th i think.
Cool progression. nothing spectacular, but i like it. Your guitar playing is good, you have a good sense of rhythm and your playing is pretty clean
you have a good voice, but you're not using it. the entire song is pretty much monotone. you should try stepping out on a limb and getting high and low.
I personally don't like the lyrics that much. there are some good lines in there but in the end it sounds like you're trying too hard to rhyme. it's kind of a pet peeve of mine so maybe others won't mind it so much. but i guess the only thing i can say to fix that is write what you think down and then try to make them into "verses" and "choruses" and don't try so hard to rearrange your sentences and use words that rhyme perfectly. it's not that important to the song writing process. ...also the "Hello" part of it is super cheesy
Dark side of love:
in this one you've attempted to go further out vocally so you can disregard what i said earlier
the chords in the chorus are badass. good dissanence (and i know i spelled that wrong). I really like the chorus except for the last line. i would try something else. i have no suggestions though so i'm really not helping.
as far as the verses go, you do a better job of what i saying for the last song. like when you used the words "pieces" and "reason" to rhyme. That's good stuff, but you still sound like you're struggling to make the words rhyme. if you'll stay away from that i think you'll eventually start putting out some really good stuff. your stuff is good, it just needs some tweaking. and i like this second song a lot more than the first song for the record.
good stuff, definetly more talent than some i've heard on here. you should submit a song to the original contest. entries have to be in before the 18th i think.
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