Original- Hope For the Sun

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 8:48 pm

all right, finished writing this sucker this morning.

still gotta smooth it out, but here's the general idea. wanted to know what you guys think.

Right Click and Save Target As

hope for the sun

mr. telescope eyes
mr. novacaine smile
can you tell me
how the world really is today?

mr. forget me not
mr. i forgot a lot
can't you tell the world
just how to really be today?

mr. styrofoam touch
mr. can't ask too much
can't you cash the moon for me?
can't you cash the sun for me?

mr. iron machine
mr. plastic factory
can't you breathe your own blood?
can't you bathe in your own blood?

never ever gonna change
never ever gonna change
never gonna change for you

Appfro · Unread post by **Appfro** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 8:56 pm

wow, that first chord is wicked. i like the synthesised stuff int he background. sounds pretty professional. i know this is a slow soothing song, but your voice may be a little too whispery for me. i do like all the instrument pieces. they all work well together. i think it kinda reminds me of something that jars of clay would do...but i like jars of clay. i haven't heard a lot of stuff from you but this is one of the better ones. i think you should try to project your voice a little and then just turn down the vocal track in the mixing.

overall good job. i like the lyrics. needs to be longer

EDIT: by the way isaac, you didnt let me know that on my quotes i had the word "matering" instead of mastering this whole time. youre slipping

fatjack · Unread post by **fatjack** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:08 pm

good job isaac, this one was a well written song

i especially liked the perscussion and the synthesizer, these really helped to fill in the space. the only thing i would have to say i disliked about it was the rather simple rhythm patterns. the progression was really cool but the overall beat and strumming patterns were short of being unique

on the technical side it was good, but some the vocals were slightly off-key (stressed on slightly, its closer than i could get). i actually have no problem with your voice's tone though, like apps said, it is kinda whispery, but it sounds fine, like a no crappy version of john mayer's voice

i give it a 7.5/10

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:18 pm

thanks a lot for the comments guys.

i think i've heard the whispery thing a thousand times now, and no matter how much i think i improve it, it sticks. so uh, i dunno what to do about it.

i'll keep at it though.

and app-for your mispelling on "mastering," i let you figure that one for yourself.

really!

as for fatjack's comments, i'm glad you liked the synthesizer and percussion (even though you spelled percussion wrong! hah!). it was the first time i've ever really messed with them, along with trying to do something on the keyboards themselves.

my vocals always seem to be slightly off-key.

i'll keep that in mind when i work out a final version. and yay for being a no crappy version of john mayer's voice!

as for simplicity, it was hard to find a balance with this one. was trying to make a message with the lyrics, and i didn't want the music to overshadow that but contribute to it. ah well.

thanks again!

fatjack · Unread post by **fatjack** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:59 pm

isaac wrote:even though you spelled percussion wrong! hah!

typo...

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 12:30 am

DAMN ANGELFIRE!!

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:00 am

hah. took the time to sign up for iuma in case angelfire doesn't work because it's a piece of crap.

so, here ya go!

My IUMA Site

you have to click stream all songs for it to work.

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:03 am

Is that link right? It just takes me to the IUMA homepage..

edit: k got it now

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:04 am

hah. yeah...i just fixed it. kept messing up.

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:06 am

Sorry, band has not yet been approved for inclusion on the site.

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:06 am

piece of...it works for me. *sigh*

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:10 am

i give up. just wait for angelfire to come back up!

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:34 am

Hey that's really cool....nice and simple, awesome synth and a nice vocal melody.
Kinda reminds me of sitting around a chill out room, watching people from a distance, watchin people trying to be cool, trying to be something they're not....eh, yeah i need sleep..

Nice lyrics too, could be a bit longer though.... very cool man

8/10!!

isaac · Unread post by **isaac** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:38 am

thanks a bunch! glad it finally worked. i cleaned it up a bit, vocally. tried to stay in-key a little more, but it wound up being a little more whispery, but i'm more satisfied with it. edited the original post and here's the link in case anyone's too lazy. sorry about the frustration up there ^.

Right Click and Save Target As

thanks again for listening guys, and for putting up with all the difficulties.

mbgreen · Unread post by **mbgreen** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 1:56 am

I liked it iissaaacc.

I think the simplicity of the progression/strumming pattern suited the lyrics very nicely...it had a good groove, but allowed me to hear what you were saying. I think a lot of guitarists get too caught up in writing overly-intricate, complicated compositions. Not every song has to challenge the boundaries of music theory to be good (in fact, most that do so really arent too fun to listen to if you dont play music.) Great lyrics, and I'd agree with making it a little longer.

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Original- Hope For the Sun

Original- Hope For the Sun

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