"The Veil Lyrics"

[a1075dd63aa12]

some lyrics i came up with recently, just the start, tell me what you think so far, the lyrics are kind of self explanatory of where im at right now

It's what it is, and what I can not see
But I'll dwell on your thoughts of what can not be
Life to me is nothing more than a wall-less maze
Depending on his and hers, and all our faith
I'll travel through time and unrealistic space
But its is losses and love we can not seperate
So please I beg tell me what is right and what is yours
So I could live the lie and tell me what is false
When pretention and hope is all I have
And why when i reach to the sky air is all i grab

Your veil hangs like curtains blocking the sun
Has my voyage only begun
Time will freeze like trees escaping the breeze
But when i beg for mercy i wont fall to my knees

Show me a prayer and show me an act
I will show you my faith and what's not intact
I won't bow to you when I come to see
Why it isn't you and why it's me
You can fill me and with a heap of dispair
Others can write your truth and I don't care
Because life is love and when all is lost
Hope will melt like an acidic frost.

Your veil hangs like curtains blocking the sun
Has my voyage only begun
Time will freeze like trees escaping the breeze
But when i beg for mercy i wont fall to my knees

it's all i have now, some critiques would be nice, thank you for your time

[a1075dd63aa12]

wrong forum move this brock, i apologize im an idiot

[Kukini]

Not bad, rhymes a lot. It's pretty deep too, I'd like to hear the music and then I'd be better able to critique it.

[a1075dd63aa12]

Brock, will you move this to recording and critquing????

[a1075dd63aa12]

no love?

[czech]

Not bad, rhymes a lot. It's pretty deep too, I'd like to hear the music and then I'd be better able to critique it.

i think its on its waty to being a great set of lyrics. for me personally it rhymes too exact and often.
im pretty tired so i'll try and give a more concise critique tomorrow.

[a1075dd63aa12]

Not bad, rhymes a lot. It's pretty deep too, I'd like to hear the music and then I'd be better able to critique it.

i think its on its waty to being a great set of lyrics. for me personally it rhymes too exact and often.
im pretty tired so i'll try and give a more concise critique tomorrow.

thanks check and marq i appreciate the resoponses, i made it rhyme for a reason, i think life has a certain ebb and flow, and i kind of wanted to represent that in the lyrics. but i agree, i generally dont like to rhyme my lyirics even though i often do, but i felt it was fitting because it worked and i could express myself through these means and nothing really seems forced when i read it, but thanks for the input.

i appreciate it because i know its hard to criticize lyrics, thanks for the reviews

[a1075dd63aa12]

top, i dont have a mic so i cant record me singing it