My new band, please critique

[czech]

Please be critical and realize the percussions were homemade on a digital 8 track. this was recorded for $0 on my buddy's computer, usually dedicating 4 hours per song to record and master. What is good? what sucks? what would you change?


Here is the first song written called "Away"
there is no drummer so everything was made ont eh coputer, but my buddy did record bass and vocals with the guitar on a digital 8 track.

http://s11.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=23CN ... VP0PTHH5FP


This is "Deliberate"

http://s51.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3VWS ... LOTZS7PEJZ
if link one fails try this one:
http://s9.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2GWSJ ... I83DSJDU40


And here is a song bill wrote by himself this morning workign off the hard day of drinking we had yesterday. it is suppsoed to be a fun song, musically it wanted to be serious, btu the lyrics just kept goign towards booze.

http://s6.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0J7Q6 ... TC6QLZMOTJ

[Kahn]

Away- sounds like a really big cluster fuck of noise. Can barely hear the vocals. The song isn't bad by any means. By cluster fuck, I mean the instruments sound jumbled together, it might be the 8 track, but I think the distortion is just overpowering.

Hungover - Vocals need work. Sounds like the singer is talk-singing. I like the guitar riff though. My opinion is to turn down the distortion, it takes away from the song. Tell vocalist to sing and not talk.

I like your guys's (word?) overall sound, but little things here and there take away from it IMHO. I can't get Deliberate to download for some reason. In a nutshell, I'm not a fan of the vocals or distortion, but thats just me. I dont like how the electric drowns out the acoustic. Keep posting stuff

[Beauford33]

yea, the songs sound like one sound level and just continuous throughout the song. Add dynamics in there and build up to certain points. If you really want someone to take a look at a certain part, you need to make it different then all the other parts, know what I mean?

[czech]

Thank you guys VERY much for the criticisms. i'll work on getting diliberate to DL, i really like that song.
thank you again, more people criticize.

*Edit: i added a new link to the second song.
and when you guys critique, can you please note specifics, IE what song, what part.

thaks again.

[jsgksu]

I just downloaded them, Ill listen to and tell you what I think tomorrow when Im sober.

I have like 10 songs written with vocals written by my friend, I dont know how many are recorded with both our tracks though, I need to get that done and post them someday.

Anyway, about you, Ill let ya know tomorrow.

[longleggedfrog]

Away is hard to listen to. As has been stated before, it is just a cluster of noise........but....within that noise I hear a melody that seems pretty good. double up the chorus, pull back and pan over some of the extra's. you'll notice on dmb and a lot of other groups they pan right or left some of those little extra sounds, bring them down as well. You don't have to hear everything on the same level, or right up front, for it to have an effect. In fact, even recently, I have noticed sounds on dmb's old albums that I never knew existed. But without those extras, it would sound different. Anyway, keep pluggin away.

[jellyfish]

Im listening to Deliberate as I type this. The main riff is really nice melody wise. Yeah, you have some mixing issues to deal with, primarily lowering the bass levels on the guitar. The vocals are OK. I think this guys voice needs to grow on me. I can see myself liking it alot after a few listens.

Anyway, I like it. What are you playing?

[czech]

Im listening to Deliberate as I type this. The main riff is really nice melody wise. Yeah, you have some mixing issues to deal with, primarily lowering the bass levels on the guitar. The vocals are OK. I think this guys voice needs to grow on me. I can see myself liking it alot after a few listens.

Anyway, I like it. What are you playing?

Rhythym guitar. He brought me on to play bass but he liked my ideas for guitar so he wants to keep me on guiotar to open it up for me also playing banjo and harmonica on some tracks and he can play mandolin on some.

I like what you said about his vocals, I didnt like them at first and he told me to just keep listening and let them grow, and now that i listen, he isnt a bad singer at all, i just think it is a familiarity thing.

[czech]

Alright, MORE PEOPLE CRITIQUE!!!

Thanks for all of the great advice guy I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. Can I get some more advice on things non recording related, I need to see what people think about the music as a whiole, and I want to get a new recording of away up ASAP, i love the riff on that one, i think it does need louder guitar.

[mangold]

to be honest i think you overhyped em. from the stuff you said about them in other threads i was expecting more than i got. not bad, but not mind blowing. keep workin at it.

for the songs specifically: Away is far too smuggly and busy. everyones just playing everything the whole time. and the riff just sounds like a scale. vocals are mixed too low... the slight soloing i can hear in the beackground is boring and unimpressive. if you simplified it i think it could be something

deliberate has a smooth conservative intro progression imo... but you play it like its angry. the vocals are annoying me, it sounds like her trying to sound cool/pearl jamish. i maintain that the strumming pattern should have more character and some more pauses. this is the better of the two.

[czech]

to be honest i think you overhyped em. from the stuff you said about them in other threads i was expecting more than i got. not bad, but not mind blowing. keep workin at it.

for the songs specifically: Away is far too smuggly and busy. everyones just playing everything the whole time. and the riff just sounds like a scale. vocals are mixed too low... the slight soloing i can hear in the beackground is boring and unimpressive. if you simplified it i think it could be something

Ya, i am very dissapointed with how Away came out. Live that song is amazing, but recorded it didnt come out well, and im not talkign about quality of recording, i listened and knew i just didnt like it nearly as much, I just called up Bill and told him to re-record Away with some of your guys' advice, maybe i'll see if we can do an acoustic only recording, i mean thats how i liked it origionally, maybe it needs to go back that way.

[czech]

for the songs specifically: Away is far too smuggly and busy. everyones just playing everything the whole time. and the riff just sounds like a scale. vocals are mixed too low... the slight soloing i can hear in the beackground is boring and unimpressive. if you simplified it i think it could be something

deliberate has a smooth conservative intro progression imo... but you play it like its angry. the vocals are annoying me, it sounds like her trying to sound cool/pearl jamish. i maintain that the strumming pattern should have more character and some more pauses. this is the better of the two.

Can you go a little more into what would make Away a better song. Cause I agree, he had electric riffs written and I made him take them out and put in just acoustic lines. I also was trying to conjur up a small jam section to break up the monotany of the song. I completely agree that it gets drab and doesnt have any breaks. I've just been havign a hard time writing a hjam for it and I have also been workign with other instruments to try and make a fill, maybe with my banjo, but I havent come up with anythign good yet.
thanks for the criticism.

Also, what do you think would make the vocals better? Me and him had this discussion the other day and I said there was just somethign that i didnt like about them and i didnt know what it was. Do you think its somethign that vocal trining could fix or somethign that is jus his voice and cant be changed?

[Kahn]

To me the vocals are bad. It reminds me of a bad version of that Shawn Mullins or Collins, you know the guy that talks instead of sings. I don't mean to be harsh, but voice training can definatley fix it. Can you sing Alex? because if so, background vocals at certain points could help the dynamics of any song.

[mangold]

for the songs specifically: Away is far too smuggly and busy. everyones just playing everything the whole time. and the riff just sounds like a scale. vocals are mixed too low... the slight soloing i can hear in the beackground is boring and unimpressive. if you simplified it i think it could be something

deliberate has a smooth conservative intro progression imo... but you play it like its angry. the vocals are annoying me, it sounds like her trying to sound cool/pearl jamish. i maintain that the strumming pattern should have more character and some more pauses. this is the better of the two.

Can you go a little more into what would make Away a better song. Cause I agree, he had electric riffs written and I made him take them out and put in just acoustic lines. I also was trying to conjur up a small jam section to break up the monotany of the song. I completely agree that it gets drab and doesnt have any breaks. I've just been havign a hard time writing a hjam for it and I have also been workign with other instruments to try and make a fill, maybe with my banjo, but I havent come up with anythign good yet.
thanks for the criticism.

Also, what do you think would make the vocals better? Me and him had this discussion the other day and I said there was just somethign that i didnt like about them and i didnt know what it was. Do you think its somethign that vocal trining could fix or somethign that is jus his voice and cant be changed?

i think away needs to be torn down to bare bones (rythm guitar and vocals for me) then you start by making the strumming pattern more interesting, you set the pace and feel for the song. start quieter and have more dynamic changes. then i think the other instruments should aim to make a different thing to ADD ON to what you are playing, not mimic it. The bass is playin the root notes and the drums are tappin the beat in your song... its like everyone just has their thing and you wound em up and they all go. then... add some bridges inbetween verses and choruses that have different progressions or patterns and maybe something more interesting from the bass or lead guitar. that should break it up a bit. then finally add a breakdown/jam. just make a new progression that is very rythmic and is easy to solo over. jam out and that'l break up the song. also try some verses where you omit an instrument for dramatic effect. i have to go right now but ill add more when i get home tonight


and i havent produced any terrific music yet, these are just opinions

[czech]

To me the vocals are bad. It reminds me of a bad version of that Shawn Mullins or Collins, you know the guy that talks instead of sings. I don't mean to be harsh, but voice training can definatley fix it. Can you sing Alex? because if so, background vocals at certain points could help the dynamics of any song.

I can only sing if I am playing guitar at the same time and even then I cant hold a note for shit,. I hate my voice.

Can you tell me which songs you might like more or less vocally? i'm just trying to get a good gauge on where to go with this and I respect all of your guy's opinions. well, musically atleast