An Original

[DreaminBassMunky]

Ok well this is not officially my first original, but it's the first time I've really actually tried to write something (although it may not seem that way when you read the lyrics). I figured I'd post them here for some advice, or to tell me what you think, or how much I suck at song writing. Well here we are:

Miss Nostalgia

I love you to, but who are you?
Sometimes the little mysteries, hold bigger truth.
Lying deep below, what you had so long ago.
Like trying to love a stranger inside a telephone booth.

You can split the sea, and divide the sky
Sing me a song sweet than any sugar blossom.
But bring the morning, I'll be gone just the same.
For memory of a dream, the heart can't fathom.

(chorus)
The strory of a battle axe, war born broom.
Lying 3 feet deep, in a gene beat cez (sp?) pool.
And if the heat didn't rise, would be swimming above the sea.
And miss Nostalgia I miss you, but do you miss me?

And that battle broom, that you left from through the feet
under the earth, and father away
And those being to intermingle
begin to make you worry, but it's ok
Dear Nostalgia, don't fret
I'll be you're knight in pierced armour,
and I'll save you yet.

(chorus)

that's all I've got for that one. It probably makes little sense to anyway, and reading back over it, some parts don't make sense to me either. Next:

Ace (working title)
inspired by Prince of Spade by Dispatch, and The Song That Jane Likes by DMB

What can you say that won't be said?
To the face behind the mirror.
And what story to tell a shadow.
Who always went a step farther.

And that joker married the queen of hearts,
As the King is set to weep, in the house of faceless cards.
Like throwin a rock in house of glass, you're only treat
If the ocean breeze, and the blood upon your feet.

(chorus)
Time's the only thing the cards can't tell.
And the truth may not always be what's real.
And if life's only how hard you try,
and not about the tears you've cried.
Just to try to save a face,
mark me as an ace.

Heard the one about the Jack of Spades.
Who had it all and had it made.
The heart and soul,
wheather black or gold.
Was always with his money.
And not his lovely.
So what's he gonna do
when the reserve's are gone.
And there's no one left to lean on.

(chorus)

(bridge)
Ego is striving for perfection,
knowing you'll never achieve it.
Arrogance would be waiting for love,
knowing he'll never get it.
And pity won't get me though the day,
but you will if you say you'll stay.



that's all folks. Questions, comments?

My friend once told me that I try to hard when I write, and I think he's right, and it never comes out sounding natural. Also I used to write a lot of poetry, but haven't written anything for a while. So yeah, tell me what you think.


p.s: I was on a real Phish kick when I wrote these. If that explains anything.

[isaac]

i like 'em. interesting writing style, though not entirely my cup of tea. i vary inbetween trying to keep it simple but profound, which uh, usually doesn't work. *grins* there are some instances where it might be a little too vague and obscure, and it's hard to find that fine line between good vague and bad vague. there's a lot to return to here, which is good. there are a lot of songs wihth too straight-forward lyrics that just don't do it for me after the 10th or so time, but you have to give the reader/listener something to work with too the first time through or else it might just go way over their heads and they won't return to it, which might be a problem with the first one. it just kind of goes over the reader's head, at least it did mine.

again, there are a lot of different fine lines to find in songwriting, and i'm not saying i'm any good at finding them myself. hehe. but you have to keep the general audience in mind, and most of them won't come back to a song if they have to make an effort with comprehension the first time, unless the lyrics and the music go so well together that they return to it and give it even greater attention.

i'd love to hear these put to music, because that's when the true testament of whether or not these lyrics work will show.

what else?

oh, hehe, great job with the rhyme scheme. i forget which lines sounded a little forced, but for the most part they worked really well.

again- i'd love to here these put to music. great job so far. i loved the end of Ace, especially "Arrogance would be waiting for love."

hope that helped!

[fatjack]

p.s: I was on a real Phish kick when I wrote these. If that explains anything.

can't really tell, you didn't write about enough things from Trey's thesis , perhaps you should add something about Harpua or a cat named Posternutbag

[DreaminBassMunky]

p.s: I was on a real Phish kick when I wrote these. If that explains anything.

can't really tell, you didn't write about enough things from Trey's thesis , perhaps you should add something about Harpua or a cat named Posternutbag

man if I could write like Trey or Tom Marshall, man would I be in business. They write soo good. By the way all these are works in progress. I plan to change some lyrics, and put some music to them, and add some lyrics. Again these are like the first two songs I've ever really taken seriously.

"Posternutbag is gone. I want a dooooooooooooog!" man I love Phish.