New original in a while. Give me some advice

[Tranman66]

I havent posted for a while. So heres one, i struggle vocally. It ruins my music. My voice is horrible and i dont know what to do, because i enjoy writing lyrics so much. yeah well, heres one for you to critique.

http://s3.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0YO3Z ... MPY7QTB7HH

With you

hazy wind blowing in my head
sound of the early morning
and the peaceful wonders
or is it you?

I am feeling so strange
with no shadow over me
its a cozy feeling to my imagination
or is it you?

Running, searching, thinking
is it you in my head
I dont know where you are
but you're in my mind
oh sweet angel of the night

Look upon the open eyes
of the truth we're seeing
and the lies people are saying
crazy love i am in

Rise rise to the sky
where nothing is to worry
where i can be with you
without any distraction
this is where we should be
but it won't happen
so you'll just hang in my mind

Running, searching, thinking
is it you in my head
I dont know where you are
but you're in my mind
oh sweet angel of the night

Love it seems so blind
but it's only be beneath
the eyes of others
and so careless we'll be

Think ahead into the future
its me and you or you and me
it is who we are and we are
the wonder of life it seems
when the beautiful world
goes crazy, all mendacious they be
lovely lady, i am with you

[borocks]

Your play the guitar quite well dude and you achieve a high sound quality.

But I must admit that I don't like the song as a whole too much, because the melody of the vocals is kind of weird and doesn't always fit. It seems as though you're not singing on key here and there. Try to improve your vocals by keeping the melody simple. It'll make it easier to sing along with.
However, I believe that you really can make more out of it, just keep on practising. It'll get better. I'm not a talented singer either, but when I listen to songs I did two years ago, I see that I have progressed.
The guitar track was lovely though as well as your lyrics.

Keep it on

[gumbomadness]

Your play the guitar quite well dude and you achieve a high sound quality.

But I must admit that I don't like the song as a whole too much, because the melody of the vocals is kind of weird and doesn't always fit. It seems as though you're not singing on key here and there. Try to improve your vocals by keeping the melody simple. It'll make it easier to sing along with.
However, I believe that you really can make more out of it, just keep on practising. It'll get better. I'm not a talented singer either, but when I listen to songs I did two years ago, I see that I have progressed.
The guitar track was lovely though as well as your lyrics.

Keep it on

exaccctttlllyyy

[Tranman66]

ok, simpler melody, sing in key. thanks for the comments bo

[mangold]

the intro as far as guitar is concerned doesnt flow. when you start strumming its fine. the high notes get a little sloppy, but thats to be expected. overall the guitar is good, i like it.

i agree with the previous comments made about your lyrics. also there should be a more discernable chorus.