Lyrics for an origiinal Mime - Critique Please

[a1075dd63aa12]

Time and strife, misery and hours
She thought of love and how it has soured
Somehow time fell like the leaves of a tree
Never knowing and growing how many it could be
But she knows for fact nothing is granted
For hers was a seed she knows wasnt planted
She sits alone and reckons for the millionth time
Trapped within emotions like an upset mime
Contemplations compounded by aggrivation
Scenes of time bring more than strings of frustration

just a start on some lyrics i have been toying around with tell me what you think where it should go, whatever you want

thanks

[gregplaysguitar]

I was actually kinda getting into those.....I really like them. They kinda remind me of Dreaming Tree or Spoon or something in that type of area. I hear a kind of somber dark melodic music. Keep going with those, my only question is the flow of the words. Do all those "wordy" words clog up the flow? I really like the color of the language your using, but I question how smooth they would be in rhythm. But really you could make anything work. Keep up the good work.

-g-

[juineaux]

looks good, I ussually don't like rhyming lyrics, but this line was really good:
"Never knowing and growing how many it could be"

[mangold]

i can never get a sense for anything when people just post lyrics.

[a1075dd63aa12]

i can never get a sense for anything when people just post lyrics.

yea i havent even worked on the timing of it, they were just kind of an idea, im messing around with some in the key of b minor, it just seems like it fits the feel of it

thanks for the critiques