New song lyrics.... come on people!!

[filmdude100cms]

Went out last night
Wish youd’a come
Got in late, and I called and hung up.
Walked outside
Looked up at the dark blue sky
It never occurred to me
You might be looking at it too

I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home
I wanted to know if you would take be back,
But I guess I could answer that one myself

Why can’t it be like it used to be?
Always thinking about tomorrow
Now were just livin our lives together
But living separately
I wonder how long it’s been
Since we could say that we were friends
But I just want to go back to that day.

I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home
I wanted to know if you would take be back,
But I guess I could answer that one myself.

Interlude…

I’ve always wanted to know how you can;
Answer any question that I pose.
But now these days you don’t know who I am.
You’ve never been the one to pause,
And now I know it just goes to show
That you never really knew what it was,
That kept us apart.

I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home
I wanted to know if you would take be back,
But I guess I could answer that one myself.




how are they?

[filmdude100cms]

please people, first thing ive writen in 6 months, and this is goin on my album... need critiquing.

[MWR]

I hesitate to critique lyrics but you asked so...

There's a whole lot of cliche going on in there. Most of it actually.
To me good lyrics should be coherent enough that you know what the song is about but they should be vague enough that you don't know exactly what the song is about. I know that sounds funny but it's true.
I hate to say it but these are love gone wrong lyrics-in-a-can. Find whats special and unique about your situation and write about that. There's a lot of options at your disposal as far as what you might be feeling. Take adavantage of that.
Lastly, I'm sure this will annoy you but it has to be said. When your young and your writing about love most people won't take you seriously. It doesn't matter if it's genuine or not people are going to write it off as puppy love. You could use that to your advantage though too.

[Beauford33]

yea, the whole "We are lookinga t the same moon so we re together when we are apart" thing...cheezay!

[filmdude100cms]

yeah ill re-wire it, i knew this one wasnt as good as some of my old stuff, but i havent writen a thing as far as lyrics go in 6 months, and i just felt compelled the other night, knowing i needed some new songs for the album, and ill work this some...

ill post the other lyrics to my CD soon, to get stuff on those.


but yeah ill re-work it a little, cause its kinda a "im sorry i fucked up our friendship, but i just wanted something more" kinda thing, i have allot of that goin on right now... but ill fix some of the cliche's.

[DropD-MB]

I wouldn't change a thing. It seems fine and has no "cheesiness" to it.

They are your lyrics, dont change them. If thats how you felt when writing it......Keep them.

[fatjack]

seems sappy to me, but what do i know about lyrics?

[filmdude100cms]

I wouldn't change a thing. It seems fine and has no "cheesiness" to it.

They are your lyrics, dont change them. If thats how you felt when writing it......Keep them.

i think i want to leave a few changes i made, but some were to get rid of some things, that i should have kept...

like this song had no name, and another was called "cold november" but that title made no sense, now if i use it as this one, it will.

sooo yeah, umm i guess ill change the first verse the way it is the new one, and leave most of the rest original.

[filmdude100cms]

Went out last night
Wish youd’a come
Got in late, and I called and hung up.
Walked outside
Felt the cold november breeze
It just then occurred to me
That i might've lost you.

I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home

Why can’t it be like it used to be?
Always thinking about tomorrow
Now were just livin our lives together
But living separately
I wonder how long it’s been
Since we could say that we were friends
But I just want to go back to that day.


I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home

Interlude…

I’ve always wanted to know how you can;
Answer any question that I pose.
But now these days you don’t know who I am.
You’ve never been the one to pause,
And now I know it just goes to show
That you never really knew what it was,
That kept us apart.

I called to say I’m sorry
Wish I had left well enough alone
But now I miss you,
And feel like going home

[lyrics101]

Left well enough alone has been used, and Nick Hexum has driven the phone call concept out of the realm of possible use.

[filmdude100cms]

Left well enough alone has been used, and Nick Hexum has driven the phone call concept out of the realm of possible use.

well i agree, the phone thing is over used, but its kinda a true event somewhat.

[Speenis]

Left well enough alone has been used, and Nick Hexum has driven the phone call concept out of the realm of possible use.

True, although he uses it in Beyond the Gray Sky and that song rocks.

Anywho, I thought they were a wee bit corny but maybe thats just me.

[katie]

I like it for what it us. put it to music, I would love to hear it. It's all about influctiation with these things as well a word comes out completely different when heard and not just seen. I thought it was interesting that you stated you never really knew...

great job for taking a break for some months there. I'm no good at this stuff though. My writing is kind of phunky. I have a great one about photosynthesis.

[filmdude100cms]

I like it for what it us. put it to music, I would love to hear it. It's all about influctiation with these things as well a word comes out completely different when heard and not just seen. I thought it was interesting that you stated you never really knew...

great job for taking a break for some months there. I'm no good at this stuff though. My writing is kind of phunky. I have a great one about photosynthesis.

yeah, next friday, daniel (back up fills) and kevin (vocals) and micheal (laptop with mics and recording stuff) are comming over, and were gonna rehearse and record some rough versions, then rehearse 1 more time, then record the album.

[HCHaikuWarrior]

congrats i look forward to hearing it.