June Freebie Contest (Winner Announced)

nugsta25 · Unread post by **nugsta25** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:31 pm

you have no idea how awful i felt...I was like "I'm not gay....am I?!?!?!" haha. god im embarrassed!!!!

mdel21 · Unread post by **mdel21** » Sat Jun 19, 2004 1:27 pm

I was working at Circuit City and this young couple comes in and the woman is blind. So they're looking around and I go ask if they need help. They ask for Kid Rock and I get it then the guy asks for Third Eye Blind. Kinda ironic. Well it's on the What's Hot wall and I can't find it and I know where it should be. The guy grabs it and I without realizing it blurt out, "right in front of my face I must be blind." Then I ran.

jasonmclean82 · Unread post by **jasonmclean82** » Sun Jun 20, 2004 4:45 pm

Well this is a fairly long story about a crazy night in my shoes....

One time I was with a couple friends we decided to go to "Legends" which is a happening bar every ladies night (cheap drinks for the ladies). When we got to the bar there was a lineup 100 meters long.

My two buddies said they were not standing in line and waiting to get in the bar cause the lineup was too long of a wait. There was alot of good looking girls there so i told them take off without me. Thinking that saying this they might wait in line but they didn't, they took off and left me there (it was a 40 min drive on the highway back to my house).... So I knew there was only one thing I could do find a girl to take me home with her...

I'm not the smoothest talker and I can't dance so this wasn't going to be that easy... It took a while but eventually I got in the bar.. The place was crazy I got myself a drink looked over at the dance floor and figured it was about time for me to bust a move.

I danced for a bit then I finally snagged up a chick to dance with.. she started making out with me on the dance floor. I thought to myself is she hot or is it the beer goggles making her look hot. I talked to her all night and was sure she was going to take me home with her..(score!) Well when it got time to leave the bar I got in a cab with her and one of her friends. I found out she was staying and her friends place. Her friend didn't like me and told me were to go....

So now I didn't have a clue what I was going to do... I was pretty F_ing loaded.. With no place to go I seen a van and hopped in it not knowing anyone in it I just pretended that I belonged there... I was hoping it would be heading closer to my house ....

After we drove for 15 min I realized that we were heading in the opposite direction and the girls in the van were Cougars (old ladies that pick up young teenagers..(me!)...) I yelled out where the F are you taking me... Back to my place said the driver ..... She was not a good looking.. She looked like she was as old as my grandma....Nasty... A little disturbed about the mental picture of this naked old lady ...I told her to let me out of the vehical...

So they dropped me off at a gas station somewhere.. What was I going to do now?? My parents always told me that if I was ever stuck somewhere and needed a drive they would come and get me... So I walked in the gas station and asked the guy behind the counter to use the phone... I think by this time it was around 3 or 4 am..... I woke my mom up got the gas station guy to explain where I was so she could pick me up....

My mom was on her way to pick me up and it would take her an hour to get there.. So figuring I would be bored with nothing to do I ask the guy for a Bingo Scratch and Win Lottery ticket... He asked me for my ID so I showed him.. Thats not you he said... Yes it is... So I showed him other pieces of ID that I had... He still wouldn't sell me a ticket....

THIS IS BULLSH@T I yelled at him... He handed me the phone and said call the cops.. That sounded like a good idea at the time... The cops would settle this and I'll be able to get my bingo ticket.. I picked up the phone and dialed 911...(big mistake)

The operator picks up saying "911 whats your emergency" Well I said this guy wont sell me an F_ing bingo ticket. She sounded a little confused as why I was calling (which she should be) so I repeated myself. This guy is an asshole and wont sell me a bingo ticket.... I'll send some police down right away sir the operator said...

I say to the gas station guy "the police are on there way and when they get here your going to have to sell me the bingo ticket" I laughed a your in for it laugh at the gas guy. It took the police about 5 minutes to show up.... But what happened isn't what I had in mind..

The police officer asks me "What seems to be the problem". "Well this guy" I pointed at the gas guy "wont sell me an F_ing bingo ticket"
The next question was "Have you been drinking tonight sir". Uhhm a couple I said. But I think he knew it was more like a couple dozen because the next thing I know is that I was cuffed and heading to the drunk tank!!

At the police station I had to check in all my stuff wallet, keys etc.. While I was doing this my mom shows up. She talked to the police and I was set free.. (a millon thanks ma). Well I could tell she a bit angry, disapointed, mad, pist. But she got over it and I have this story to tell.

Well... I know that I'm not going to make this same mistake twice. The story sometimes makes people laugh but I can always count on people thinking that I'm a dumbasss after they hear this

YouNeverNo41 · Unread post by **YouNeverNo41** » Mon Jun 21, 2004 10:49 am

Yeah well one time i was at work(i work at a country club). And I'm one of the guys that has to clean and fix everything (handyman). So I'm new at this nice, up key, country club and I was sweeping the courts. When i sweep the courts I use the golf cart to make the job easier. So as I'm done with one court i was going to just drive through the exit of the tennis courts (since it was already open). As I'm driving through it, the back of the golf cart catches on the exit and rips off the back half of the golf cart. In doing this I was surrounded by MILFs and good tennis players. As i stop to try and fix the golf cart, I hear a women call me a "rookie". SO i have to stand there and act like I'm fixing this broken golf cart while older people are making fun of me

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:49 am

fortyoneantz wrote:
2StepGranny wrote:This topic is actually pretty cool. The one problem I have is, I do so many funny, and stupid things that I can't remember them all. But I do remember a few...

Ok, my best friend and I are out having a good time with a few other friends of ours. We go to a sports bar, we're there for a couple hours just having a good time, then we all decide to meet up at a friends house. I'm the only one that knows where his house his, but I need gas. Now a few of my friends had some drinks, and I'm out pumping gas so they are out there talking to me. And all of a sudden it seems like the stupid stick hits me in the face, I say, "I smell gas!" I didn't think that they would catch it or anything, and I knew what it was from, but I'll be damned if they don't EVER let me live it down. It was crazy. But I get like 2 hours of sleep cause I have to caddie in the morning. So I'm at work, on the course, doing my thing... I'm having a conversation with the member who I am caddying for, he is one of my regulars, so I'm chatting it up and having a good time. It's early in the morning, and he asked what I did last night, so I told him, he finds it funny as hell, right at that moment another one of the caddies slips down a hill. It's early and there is dew on the ground, and it happens, but I just bust out laughing and so does my member, we both look at each other and say that most people should know how to walk down a hill when it's wet, swear to God, not a moment after that came out of our mouths, I f***ing slid down this hill like no other, worse than the other caddie. And it wasn't even down the steep part, it was like God bitch slapping me and telling me to watch what I say. But my member laughs at me, and it was a really great round.

I know there are a lot more, considering it's me, I'll have to talk to a few of my friends to find the funnier ones, these will be fun to share. So I'll keep everyone posted with my stupidity
that's what made me laugh the hardest

hahahhahah

Your member can talk?? Damn dude, talent.

clancy03wiggum · Unread post by **clancy03wiggum** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 9:54 am

well i have a good one from when i was a young kid. I was sitting in the bushes out in front of my house, they were really big and we kinda were just hanging out. We were maybe 12 or 13. So were playing like Army or something, and i have this water gun, and to call it a water gun is a big complement, it was a MOTORIZED water gun. You actually need batteries to make it work. Well as any toy that is outside and requires batteries, it was broken. The gun which was fashioned in the style of a mp5, a short machine gun with a pretty big magazine, was a "lovely" shade of florecent green and pink. Im talking prob the brightest thing you have ever seen. So were just chilling there and this cop pulls up, where i lived they pulled up all the time to catch speeders, so thats what i figured he was there for. Well he gets out of the car and says "hey out of the bushes". So my friends and i are like "what". He says "Whats going on here". "well nothing really". So he asks to see the gun, he goes "is this a real gun" i say "what are you kidding me? its a water gun, in fact IT DOESNT EVEN WORK" So he gets all offended, and hands it back and says "Well i think im gunna have to take your names down. I was like " Seriously, why?" He says that we are being suspicious. He asks us our names and where we live, and point to my house and say " Here about 5 feet away" So hes like ok, and takes out his note pad. We all catch a glance at it as he takes it out, its a POWER RANGERS note pad. Well i stopped myself from laughing, but it was hard. He says "well ill take these downtown and put them on your permenent record. Well thats when i laughed and just ran into my house, screaming laughing. hahaha what a good time. In conclusion COPS are sooooooooo dumb when they try to scare little kids. HAHAHAHA

Also the other time when these security guards called the cops on us and the cop rolls by in his car while were sitting there on our bikes and says, " Hey have you kids seen some kids on bikes causeing trouble." We were like "Yeh there down there" WHAT MORONS

amyb · Unread post by **amyb** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 5:00 pm

I was recently humbled at airport security. Sure, most people just get their shoes shoved thru a metal detector, but they decide to search my checked luggage, right out in the open.

I have traveled alot lately and hadn't seen that happen and assumed I'd be safe, but for some reason my number came up and they had to take everything out of my bag and place it out on a table, then repack the bag. It would have been bad enough had it just been clothes, and my underpants strewn about. But I happened to be going on a huge booty-call with an ex, and pulled out all the stops.

Just about every sex toy in the book was in my bag (if we really have to have me relive the anguish and embarrassment, I will amend the post and give an itemized list) along with about a half-dozen video tapes, all bound together with the velcro handcuffs and ankle cuffs. Yes, more than half of the suitcase was filled with various accoutrements and there was just a few outfits mushed in where there was room.

So I had to stand there at the security checkpoint, completely redfaced, and not touch or do or say anything. The guard seemed almost as embarrassed, but he was at least smiling. I was about ready to cry, until I looked out behind the glass wall next to me, and there was my sister, who drove me to the airport, laughing so hard I thought she would pee herself.

So of course not only was I humiliated in front of security and other travelers, which I could learn to get over in time, but my sister witnessed the whole thing and couldn't believe the stash. This was a few months ago, and she brings it up nearly every time we talk!

Amy

mdel21 · Unread post by **mdel21** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 5:51 pm

that's awesome amy

Brock · Unread post by **Brock** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:48 pm

one more day!

Santo390 · Unread post by **Santo390** » Wed Jun 30, 2004 4:21 pm

amy - you win

ps - feel free to visit me in rochester

YouNeverNo41 · Unread post by **YouNeverNo41** » Thu Jul 01, 2004 12:03 am

who wins?

taylordb · Unread post by **taylordb** » Thu Jul 01, 2004 4:26 am

The June contest is now closed. The winner will be announced within a couple of days. Thanks to evveryone for entering!

jsgksu · Unread post by **jsgksu** » Thu Jul 01, 2004 8:11 am

wow amy, hilarious, I think we need an item list though

nugsta25 · Unread post by **nugsta25** » Fri Jul 02, 2004 3:16 pm

who wins, who wins?!?!

amyb · Unread post by **amyb** » Fri Jul 02, 2004 10:28 pm

jsgksu wrote:wow amy, hilarious, I think we need an item list though

Well I was thinking that boards should be PG-13 or at the very worst, R-rated. And I think an itemized list would be pushing it... I'm wondering if I shouldn't offer a freebie to the person who emails me with their guess of the contents of the suitcase (videotapes and handcuffs are excluded, since I already told you that), and comes closest to the list.

I will post a separate message with the offer, so head over to this link for details: Dirty little freebie

DMBTabs.com

June Freebie Contest (Winner Announced)

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