lyric critque request

Post recordings you have made here and get feedback from the community. Songwriting topics would also reside here.

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thenamenottaken
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2004 8:39 pm

lyric critque request

Unread post by thenamenottaken » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:54 pm

whatcha think peoples?

Correspondence and whispered words
fall short of a lover's embrace
as the moon shines down
and gently illuminates

sweat, tears and kisses
cause the globe to spin
answered prayers and begging
bring unending calm

stubborn oceans separate
desperate hearts do bind
promises of togetherness
shift the continents

sweetly we lay on the fault line
singing songs of love
caresses weave tender magic
the moon shines above

Kukini
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Posts: 3562
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 11:03 pm

Unread post by Kukini » Tue Oct 04, 2005 1:45 am

very vague, could be more elaborate. Nice imagery however. Very poetic
- Marq

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