New Original

[Appfro]

Wrapped in Your Arms

I'm not going to lie...I kind of like this song. It's different from anything I've written and I went a little experimental on it. Not that it's experimental as far as music goes, just that it's different from what i've done.

Anyway, it incorporates the two things that i do worst...write love songs and sing falsettos. i'm not going to pretend that I hit every falsetto, it needs some work, but it's a little better than i expected of myself.

Last thing, and this is what miguel always yells at me for, it's a little long. i need to cut some stuff, partly out of the intro and i'll figure out something else to cut. i can't for the life of me write a 4 min song, i just don't think i have it in my blood. anyway, hope you like it, let me know what you think and what i can fix to make it better.

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?a ... E719CD3495

I have this feeling living deep in my heart
I should have known from the start
I followed you
Into your deepest thoughts

Lost around a bend in a maze
Decisions flooded with haze
Now I’m lost
Stuck in your deepest thoughts

Nothing I can say
Could make this go away
That is not to say
I’d try to anyway

Deep here I shall play
Till you send me on my way
That is not to say
That you could make me go away

I can’t see myself in the outside sun
I'll just stay right here and build my home

God I feel so safe
Wrapped in your arms
Being wrapped in your arms
And this is where I'll stay
Completely wrapped in your arms

I see my soul trapped in your eyes
Can’t even say I’m surprised
I won’t lie
I tossed the key some time ago

The thought of you makes me believe
In who I know I can be
You have freed
The prisoner inside of me

I can’t see myself in the outside air
Chained down tight in your affairs

[HumbleMonkey]

i dig it. you did the falsetto pretty well, i would shorten the intro a little bit. lyrics are ok, nothing really hit me as something really special but they work. i like the feel of the song, especially dig the break down. nice job

[Trippin Hillbilly]

Easily your best Mitch. Love the falsetto, lyrics and chord progressions.
The vocal melody in the chorus is money. The, nothing I can say, part.
It's great to hear you sing in falsetto, you should use it more often.

I'm not gonna say anything about the song length cause i'm also guilty of this but if I were to say anything about it, I would say cut it right before the solo. But I won't.

[Appfro]

thanks guys. i appreciate the listen and the comments.

hey humble, i was wondering what your idea of "good lyrics" are or what is your style of lyrics. i know you're a fan of dylan right? well, who isn't? but i read through some of your lyrics and i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing that you don't like. maybe if you could give a run down on what you would change in mine or maybe tell me out of your songs that you posted which one you like the most it would help me.

i don't consider myself a great lyricist or anything, but i feel i'm at very least above average. but i'm constantly trying to get better. i read a lot of lyrics and i try to get into the mindset of the person writing and try to use those same mindsets when i write.

anyway, i guess what i'm asking for is another perspective into lyrics so that i can have another avenue to look down when i'm writing. any help would be appreciated.

again, thanks for the comments guys. and miguel, if you had told me to cut before the solo, which you didn't, i would probably say good idea and i'll work on that, but i wont.

edit: hey, i was wondering what you guys think of the falsettos in the chorus. i like the ones in the prechorus part, but the jury is still our for the chorus. is it too much?

[HumbleMonkey]

i shouldnt have said ok to your lyrics in the my other post, its not exactly what i meant. i mean they are good lyrics, solid. lyrics are just very important for the style of music that i play and i think i was applying that to yours which i shouldnt have, i do like your lyrics more than most i see on here
so basically its not that i dont like your lyrics, they just didnt\ blow me away here. i like what you do though, through the music you liven up the lyrics anyway. i was just being picky

[HumbleMonkey]

edit: hey, i was wondering what you guys think of the falsettos in the chorus. i like the ones in the prechorus part, but the jury is still our for the chorus. is it too much?

i think it was fine, i mean i listened though once and there wasnt anything i didnt like, so im sure it was fine.

[Appfro]

i shouldnt have said ok to your lyrics in the my other post, its not exactly what i meant. i mean they are good lyrics, solid. lyrics are just very important for the style of music that i play and i think i was applying that to yours which i shouldnt have, i do like your lyrics more than most i see on here
so basically its not that i dont like your lyrics, they just didnt\ blow me away here. i like what you do though, through the music you liven up the lyrics anyway. i was just being picky

well it's ok that you're being picky. what i'm looking for is help. lyrics are important to me, even more so than the music. see usually you see either amazing lyrics and basic chord structures, or advanced chord structure and voicings and mediocre lyrics. well i want good lyrics and good music and i can't do that w/o exploring everything that i can. so hit me w/ it. what would you say are some of your best lyrics, what would do to change mine, what is your favorite thing that you've written, how can you help me?

[HumbleMonkey]

first i just want to say i dont consider myself a great lyricist at all. i just enjoy writing and reading

i think this might be the favorite thing ive written.

Code: Select all

Passing By

Sun goes down, wolves howlin at the moon
All the darkness closes in around you
Light a match, it might just help you see a bit
And take off those shades, it might help too

And I feel a chill going through my bones
And by the way the moon is hanging shows
Dreams of  old, dreams of new
Over me, over you

All of time passing by
Hungry child in the night does cry
Pass the torch, flame burning anew
No longer for me but now for you

A journey through the dark
My mind lights up with a spark
Spirits wandering, passing through
Oh no, it's left to just me and you

Stay clear stranger, keep your innocence
This fog is for me, keep your purity
And as I lie here on the floor
Please say no if I ask for more

All of time passing by
Hungry child in the night does cry
Pass the torch, flame burning anew
No longer for me but now for you

And if I lie here please extend your hand
I really hope you would act like my friend
Robin Hood stealing for the poor
His friends couldn't ask for more

Jump onto your feet it's time to sing and dance
If you're afraid you might trip, take hold of your pants
Brothers and sisters my hat's off to you
But when I ask you to leave I mean it, I really do

All of time passing by
Hungry child in the night does cry
Pass the torch, flame burning anew
No longer for me but now for you

i just like it because its not straightforward, kind of abstract and all over the place. i like how it doesnt just come out in your face and tell you what the song is about, but i try to have something in and under the song.

i try to write songs like poetry then add the music. personally i love using word play and alliteration and rhyming can work, but cant be overworked or used in bad ways.

simple rhyming can come off kinda cheesy sometimes, just a personal opinion. in your song, the first 2 lines of the 1st verse there:

I have this feeling living deep in my heart
I should have known from the start

Lost around a bend in a maze
Decisions flooded with haze

the rhymes just seem to easy, almost like because it rhymes the second lines came easy. i like the 1st lines, the way the feeling is "living" is cool and the bend in a maze, good stuff. just think what comes after can be better with either a better rhyme or not even a rhyme


Deep here I shall play
Till you send me on my way
That is not to say
That you could make me go away

this part im not sure about, doesnt really make sense to me. i like the wordplay.

thats all i really have for that song right now.


im gonna add a few more songs and top my lyrics thread if you want to look at those, idk, i like some of my stuff a lot, other stuff isnt that great, its more simple, but ill post what i have nonetheless. hopefully some more people will give some feedback this time

[Appfro]

i agree w/ you about the rhyming stuff. if you look at past songs, you'll see that i very rarely rhyme and if i do i use words that don't really rhyme, but can be pronounced to have the illusion of rhyme. this song was different cause i was going for a love song, and honestly, i suck at love songs.

as for your song, i haven't reached that level of abstract yet. i always go in w/ thoughts of abstract and leave w/ a song that smacks you in the face w/ what the theme is. even if i do write abstract, it bothers me if i can't get my own meaning out of it. so w/ practice, i'd like to have real meaning to the song, but it be ambiguous enough for the listener to get whatever they want out of it.

the theme for this one wasn't even supposed to be "love" but being trapped by love but not really minding. not sure if i portrayed that, i will probably mess w/ the lyrics some more, i'm not considering this one a complete work yet.
but thanks for taking the time give some examples.

[HumbleMonkey]

yeah i mean abstract cant really work for every song too, i like it in some of my songs, but when i think sometimes stuff has to be more straightforward and simple, it all depends on what you are trying to put out there.

[afurth]

pretty cool. the chord progressions are really impressive. the falsettos are dead on! they add so much to the tune. the mood is just well-established. the progression, again, is anything but monotonous. the lyrics, since you posted them, are really solid. they give a great insight into the message you are trying to get across. the hook is solid... moves well.

2 thumbs up!

[mangold]

I like this alot, i feel like the intro should have the same bassy awesomeness of the whole song, just throw some more roots in there.

I gotta be honest though, i think the falsettos are the wekpoint of this song. Your voice is just so fantastic when its not all airy, by comparisson the falsetto is a little weak for me. I really have no room to talk though, i should be lucky enough to be able to do that.

Keep recording please, always love your stuff.

edit: I listened again and i have changed my mind, drastically.

i love the falsetto now, it justs seems alot weaker at the beginning. my only critique would be that the song kinda drones on with little change, i kinda zone out after a while. Maybe thats just me but i feel like at 6 + minutes it should either vary more or be cut shorter.

[sfmartins]

Nice sound quality. What do you use to record man? (Maybe this is already know... sorry)

Maybe a little long, but I like the song.

[TimmyJ4140]

Love the song Mitch. The melody during the falsettos is already stuck in my head (nothing I could say . . . ), and I love the way the guitar line matches up with the melody line in the vocals during those parts. Lyrics are solid, better than what I've written lately. Rock on dude.

[EnFuego]

I haven't commented on this yet because I don't have a whole lot to critique. You have a great voice.

I was listening to this the other day and a friend came in from the other room to see who it was playing in my itunes. She was diggin' it a lot. I showed her your myspace page and she really liked the rest of your stuff as well.