could you guys listen to this and give me feedback?

ticohans · Unread post by **ticohans** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 4:48 pm

OK fellas, I'm quite ignorant when it comes to setting up webpages and the like, but I managed to get it figured out and have created one on the serverspace provided by my college. Sooooo, if you guys would check out the songs and give me some feedback, I'd really appreciate it. Feel free to tear it up if you'd like. Anywho, here's the link:

http://www.davidson.edu/personal/halarson/home.htm

and this webpage stuff is REALLY cool. I'd reccomend that you mess around with it if you haven't and you get the chance...

MattyTrane · Unread post by **MattyTrane** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 5:11 pm

k im checkin out the first one.

ticohans · Unread post by **ticohans** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 6:05 pm

Lyrics
Captured
Today is the day that I say goodbye
Tired of the twisted games I'm playing in my mind
Ready to shuffle off this fragile mortal coil
Tired of this world with all its cares, its empty toils

Yesterday, life was such an easy game to play
Yesterday, I was so alive, now I'm so afraid

But then you tear through the walls of my mind
And violently make your way inside
I am captured by the fury of your eyes
Won't you take my hand and lead me through this life

Darkness surrounds, shadows abound
Blackness rains from above
I close my eyes, swallow the lies
It's an easy drug

Sorry Love:
I'm so sorry love that it had to end this way
I thought we had a chance
But it slipped throught the cracks
Quietly drained

Stretching out our arms over such a great divide
It was just too much
It slipped out of our hands
We said goodbye

But can you tell me how am I supposed to just let go
When I had everything I've ever wanted in you

How I wish that I could leave
All of this behind
Cause I'm so tired of being tied
To what can never be mine

Cause you had me from the start
Hopelessly lost for the art I saw in your mind
And the music of your hands
And the beautiful light of your eyes

Returning to Dust:
You pursue me with a ruthless love
And in your hands you've shattered all of my dreams

With your plow you've cut through the dry
Surrounding my heart
With your gentlest of words
I am slain

But when I count the cost
Take in my hands the dreams you've broken
Though you have shattered in your strong hands my greatest loves
And I feel so lost

Still I will run for you, I will run for you...

What is all this
All of these lies I need so much
All these vanities
All of these broken, fading lusts

This life I'm losing, these stories returning to dust

What can I hold that will not break
Where is the good that I make
And if this short road it leads to death
Why am I so hell-bent on this life

But I know your love will never break
And you are the good I cannot make
And so as I die into your life
Won't you take my hand

Cause this life I'm losing, these stories returning to dust

Strength of a Little Boy:
I see all the children laughing
And how they raise their hands to greet the morning light
With smiles as fresh as dawn's horizon
So happy for this new day of life

And I wonder, when did I get so old
Have I forgotten how to dance
Do I remember your love
And, oh, those summers we had

When you lead me on, a simple child
Through these fields of white
And let me rest in your arms
On, oh, those sweet summer nights

But I don't recognize myself anymore
Lost under all these expectations
Wearing the tired shoes of yesterday
I've lost the taste for the moment

Where have I gone, the little boy
So in love with life and so in love with you
But there's no more time to fear tomorrow
There's too much to love and too much to do

But I will take this life by the hands
Run as far, as fast as I can
Leave behind all of yesterday
And with the strength of a little boy
I will bring down your world

No more will I swallow these lies
I am so sick of worrying
Instead I will cling to you
As I fall in love with you again

I'm going to dance through the rain
Splash in these waters
Leave tomorrow in my wake
And I'm going to love
I'm going to learn to live again
As I reach for your lovely face

(for those of us who've had conversations about writing, this is the one that simmered for a year and a half when I finally decided to say screw the inspiration, I'm going to WORK this song)

MattyTrane · Unread post by **MattyTrane** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 6:35 pm

heh cool, havent listened to it tho, the game kept me away, ill check it out soon though.

MattyTrane · Unread post by **MattyTrane** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 6:36 pm

good lord, is this you?? its great, especially the singing. ill listen to the others and give some more comments.

Spiteface3317 · Unread post by **Spiteface3317** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 10:39 pm

Wow! Man... That stuff is amazing... Make a CD... I'll be your biggest fan... Wow...

MattyTrane · Unread post by **MattyTrane** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 11:03 pm

Spiteface3317 wrote:Wow! Man... That stuff is amazing... Make a CD... I'll be your biggest fan... Wow...

ditto get that shiz out on cd, ive heard WAY WORSE on cd.

ticohans · Unread post by **ticohans** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 3:09 am

just posted a new song

MattyTrane · Unread post by **MattyTrane** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 9:17 am

ill be sure to check it out later.

superman0710 · Unread post by **superman0710** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:09 am

that's amazing singing, how long have you been doing it? did you take lessons?

ticohans · Unread post by **ticohans** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:14 am

i've been singing for forever. i've grown up in a VERY musical family; sort of like a partridge family thing, if you've ever seen that crappy old show. i've just now started lessons this semester at college, and it's been really interesting. I do just about everything wrong.

I don't know how much I'm going to change of what I do right now, but it's good to know the "proper" way to do things.

superman0710 · Unread post by **superman0710** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:30 am

ticohans wrote:i've been singing for forever. i've grown up in a VERY musical family; sort of like a partridge family thing, if you've ever seen that crappy old show. i've just now started lessons this semester at college, and it's been really interesting. I do just about everything wrong. I don't know how much I'm going to change of what I do right now, but it's good to know the "proper" way to do things.

listening to your style it reminds me a lot of duncan shiek. great vocals with simple musical backgrounds, very good stuff

Xoosh · Unread post by **Xoosh** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:30 am

Hey im getting these done one at a time for you.

Captured -
0:00 - 0:19 = the guitar line is great especially in the first 7 seconds. However at :11 i feel like it gets one ounce too busy. When your vocals come in it's quite awesome - perfect timing on coming in with perfect presence... however when you say "goodbye" the Bye (to me) feels like it drags on too long. it's like byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee aye aye eeeeeee. (exageration). Voice on 0:32 "playing in my..." could be fixed. a little nit picky thing, your sounding iffy there (your notes are wonderful, the issue is what we allready discussed with your voice... fix that and it'll take you hella far). o:43 - "mortal COIL" - same issue with the voice. 0:52 - "Toils"... same. When you come into the chorus at like 0:56, have you thought about diong a smoother transition... like instead of being all stacato and powerpresent, since the main guitar run is so aggressive what about something more smooth and almost SLIDING into it.. if you like this idea im sure i could help you figure out something. Your voice at 1:04 is a little shaky until you say "i was so alive" that's awesome. Not sure about my feelings on the chorusing of this chorus / line (like around 1:20) especially at 1:29.. it gets really muddy. 1:39 (..."take my hand") vocal stuff - sounds a little off pitch -- and is amplified by the muddy chorusing of the guitar. Nice harmony of the voice though! excellent transition between chorus and verse at 1:45 (Yah... with echo) that was awsome... you should do that live... and when you say YEAH!! (with the echo. .maybe a DL4 or something) do a 4/4 drum beat on your guitar... oh my god, that'd sound awesome. The solo you do after this "yeah yeah yeah" at like 1:50 or whatever, to me doesnt seem to have the right mood for the song. I'd stick closer to the 0 fret and do a bassy solo ... what key are you in i allready have an idea in my head and can share it with you if you're interested. At "Darkness Around... shadows abound" (1:55), i dont know about the harmony right away... but definitely start it when you talk about blackness reigning from above. 2:05 "swallow" sounds shaky. 2:09 "It's an easy drug" sounds very nice in there... im not so sure about the that verse to chorus transition. However, i like your voice for the most part in this song. Get rid of that chorusing at 2:22... if you want to do a chorus effect why not just do an echo that is pretty tight into the song or play another guitar track... but stay away from machine chorusing it tends to make it out of tune and bend the pitches etc... gross effect. The pitch your voice chooses on "you tare through walls in my mind" like at 2:33 - seems a little counter the style you've been trying to keep the whole song. Not a bad thing, just bringing it to your attention. Very nice build up (except the chorusing) building up to 3:00 "lead me through this light" is excellent. watch the "tare through walls of my mind" at like 3:10 - little off... actually most of the lyrics of 3:10-3:35 sound a little off... except at 3:40 when you finish that is BEAUTIFUL. and your skat at 3:40 is EXCELLENT. dont take that out.

superman0710 · Unread post by **superman0710** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:34 am

edit - see new thread

Xoosh · Unread post by **Xoosh** » Mon Dec 09, 2002 10:36 am

DMBTabs.com

could you guys listen to this and give me feedback?

could you guys listen to this and give me feedback?

Wow!

Re: Wow!

Who is online