MY FIRST ORIGINAL!!!! (in progress)

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Pickles
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MY FIRST ORIGINAL!!!! (in progress)

Unread post by Pickles » Wed Jul 16, 2003 12:24 am

dude, im so happy with this. i love it. my first original song. wow. i made the original version just messing around, and it progressed from there.
here it is
Transition and Chorus (threw it together in a few minutes; ending is a little weak ill work on it soon)

PLEASE BE BRUTALLY HONEST!!!
Last edited by Pickles on Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sort Of A Protest Song wrote:I don't know if this is shameful or not, but after waking up in a girls bed that was really high up off the ground (almost top-bunkbed type high) I told her that if I fell off I'd "come back to life as a white wizard". I was still a bit tipsy. She did not laugh.
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Unread post by longleggedfrog » Wed Jul 16, 2003 7:41 am

I felt like it was too short to comment on. I don't know where you are gonna go with it or how the vocal is going to interact with the strum pattern and progression, etc. Let us know when you complete it, or get a little closer to completion.
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Roastbeef
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Unread post by Roastbeef » Wed Jul 16, 2003 7:46 am

I agree. What I hear sounds good though. You're on to something. Post it when it's done...
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Unread post by gcom007 » Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:30 pm

what it is isn't bad, but it really isn't much yet, it needs a lot more development before it really can be called a song, keep going...
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Unread post by Pickles » Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:36 pm

so many views but not many replies... :(
Sort Of A Protest Song wrote:I don't know if this is shameful or not, but after waking up in a girls bed that was really high up off the ground (almost top-bunkbed type high) I told her that if I fell off I'd "come back to life as a white wizard". I was still a bit tipsy. She did not laugh.
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Roastbeef
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Unread post by Roastbeef » Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:42 pm

shane wrote:so many views but not many replies... :(
Probably cuz anyone else who would comment will simply reiterate what's already been said. :roll:

Keep working on it...
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Unread post by geekmug » Wed Jul 16, 2003 5:07 pm

Or tell you that angelfire sucks for posting mp3s because you are out of bandwidth..
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Unread post by firedancer86 » Wed Jul 16, 2003 11:11 pm

interesting man...keep it up :)


make it longer and put a melody/(maybe vocals) over top to make it stand apart ;)


kudos :D
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Pickles
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Random movie quote to make you seem hip and "with it": I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.
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Unread post by Pickles » Wed Jul 16, 2003 11:33 pm

ive been trying to do the melody but i cant figure it out. i wanna put over some nice chords (not something like what was played, just some chords that a lead player would use (at least i know what im talking about...)) - do you think you could sign on to aim to explain that stuff to me?
Sort Of A Protest Song wrote:I don't know if this is shameful or not, but after waking up in a girls bed that was really high up off the ground (almost top-bunkbed type high) I told her that if I fell off I'd "come back to life as a white wizard". I was still a bit tipsy. She did not laugh.
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Unread post by firedancer86 » Wed Jul 16, 2003 11:36 pm

shane wrote:ive been trying to do the melody but i cant figure it out. i wanna put over some nice chords (not something like what was played, just some chords that a lead player would use (at least i know what im talking about...)) - do you think you could sign on to aim to explain that stuff to me?
don't have the time now, but I might tomarrow man...I would be glad to try and help ya out :wink:
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Unread post by mbgreen » Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:57 am

Shane - good foundation. As everyone else has said, there really isnt enough to go off of here for a critique of any sort. Which brings me to ask...

Whats up with you and all these random 20 second clips? I think its time you sacked up and recorded a song all the way through. :) I wont even bother you about vocals yet, cause I know that might induce cardiac arrest. So, I'm officially calling you out. :D
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Pickles
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Random movie quote to make you seem hip and "with it": I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.
Location: FL

Unread post by Pickles » Thu Jul 17, 2003 1:14 am

ill make you a deal. once i have the song done, ill record the whole thing. but basically im just too lazy to go all the way through a song unless im playing it for someone... there was that one time i played all the way through ants marching... but i was just playing along with the song... lol
Sort Of A Protest Song wrote:I don't know if this is shameful or not, but after waking up in a girls bed that was really high up off the ground (almost top-bunkbed type high) I told her that if I fell off I'd "come back to life as a white wizard". I was still a bit tipsy. She did not laugh.
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Unread post by VTDreaminwithDMB » Thu Jul 17, 2003 9:34 am

Well I said what about breakfast at Tiffanys...... :D J/K Get someone with a Tim like lead and you've got yourself a jam.
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juineaux
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Unread post by juineaux » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:30 am

Good solid playing, sounds like you have the rythym guitar to a good song down, now mabey add in some vocals or something. Sounds nice :D
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Pickles
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Random movie quote to make you seem hip and "with it": I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.
Location: FL

Unread post by Pickles » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:03 pm

i like this song with a capo on 1st also, cant decide which i like better. anyway, i put both of my riffs together for ya like that.... id like to know which you like better as i truthfully cant decide.

still trying to figure out a 2nd riff... a friend of mine is gonna explain different ways to do it later... maybe ill think of something...

anyway, heres the song
Sort Of A Protest Song wrote:I don't know if this is shameful or not, but after waking up in a girls bed that was really high up off the ground (almost top-bunkbed type high) I told her that if I fell off I'd "come back to life as a white wizard". I was still a bit tipsy. She did not laugh.
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