new song "Came Undone", please critique! :)

[vinestreet98]

please critique!!! i just finished it and recorded it... it's 98% there... just kinda flowed out pretty spontaneously.

http://www.myspace.com/maxlsongs

"Came Undone"

thanks!!!!

[borocks]

Hey mate, great song, very emotional. I like how you build up tension with the volume of your voice and the strumming. Undoubtedly, you've got a great voice. You manage pretty well on those higher notes

Two points for consideration:
I'd prefer a bit more structure in the lyrics, but I reckon you may still be working on them.
The recording quality is fairly good, though I would see to it that you run some compression on your vocal track in order to curb the volume of the 'loud parts' and push the quiet parts a bit.

That's it from my part. It'd be nice if you returned the favour:
http://www.dmbtabs.com/boards/viewtopic ... 15&t=35021

Cheers, Bo

[ut4ever8]

Bo pretty much said everything I was going to say. I was really impressed with the vocals. The only real critique I was really going to give was to work on the structure of the lyrics a little bit just as the above post. Nice work though. I wish I could sing like that