New Original - Our Stand

[HumbleMonkey]

new original i've been working on, this is just a quiet take of the song i just recorded with computer mic quality, its still developing but here it is as is.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/33trh1


Our Stand


Well you got one I got four
Sometimes you babe got some more
And then we fear to open them all
Perhaps too big or maybe too small

And I have one left still unseen
I hope you will be more than just my dream
In time we can paint our scene
To more than just inbetween

And I know that its hard
When you got all the wrong cards
But I can give you my hand
With that we can make a stand
Oh baby lets make our stand

We can go play for a while
You restart my heart every time you smile
How sweet it would be wrapped up in your love
Like no other like no kind of love

And I know that its hard
When you got all the wrong cards
But I can give you my hand
With that we can make a stand
Oh baby lets make our stand

Then we go down in history
Baby you and me and everybody
And we think what side we should have been on
The team that’s right or the team that won

And I know that its hard
When you got all the wrong cards
But I can give you my hand
With that we can make a stand
Oh baby lets make our stand


thanks for the listen

[Banjobach]

the guitar is simple but solid. The song would strengthen with the addition of other instruments (it begins to get tired with just guitar near the end).
Your voice is a little shaky but with more practice that will go away. My advice would be to project a little more because you sound a bit timid. So I guess the phrase people use is "sing with confidence." Unless that's what you're going for.
The lyrics are a bit ambiguous and I like that. I couldn't tell if you were talking about in the beginning (perhaps cards). I would try to add some more sensual connections (smell, sound, touch) to bring the listener into the song. Other than that, it's a good start.

[HumbleMonkey]

thanks, its just a rough demo so i didnt add any other instruments, im looking for a band but havent found the right people yet. the "timidness" of my voice for this was more or less it just being late and i wasnt going to belt out a song. but thanks for the advice, it helps