insights please: sap

[katie]

<a href="http://www.musicv2.com/launch/involution" target="_blank">Launch My Player</a>

hey you guys I'm a novice guitar player who just got her garage band set up (finally!)

I'm learning how to use it (argh!) ~

please check out 'sap' on this player (I think you have to scroll down). Let me know where you think I could improve with this one. I'm looking for any insight, another chord transition possibly, exercises, anything...

Suggestions are welcomed and highly appreciated.

thanks for your time and I will be sure to give your song/s a good listen too and share in my thoughts as well. I know that there are some really talented people here.


thanks!

katie : o )

[mangold]

hello

welcome to the R&C forum. its a fossil

ok the guitar part is decent, but gets a little repetitive. you dont have to play it by the book you know, mix up the strumming a little bit and go with a more percussive playing style if you're gonna do it solo.

ok... vocals. from what it sounds like you have a lovely voice.... i think. i cant understand a single word you are saying when you sing that way with the reverb the way you have it. Anunciate more and hit the basic notes, you're trying to do alot of fancy vocal stuff when i dont think you're quite there.

Overall a very nice song. Keep it up and keep posting.

and i love your media player. i may yoink it im still trying to find one i like for my site

edit: btdubs i love the world famous p.p. song. you should cut it in Nashville

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Love your voice, first of all. Andy is right though, you need to ennunciate a little better. Try opening your mouth more as you sing.

The guitar is decent. From what i can tell its just GDC over and over so you definitely need to break it up a little bit. First off, try to play a bit more percussively. Throw some mutes and chops in if you can. I know you said you are a beggining guitar player so this may take some time but it will come.

You may want to throw in an Em chord in the mix somewhere to break it up.

You could go GDC for the verse and then EmGC for a chorus with a D chord transition back to the verse. These are all pretty standard, and while they may lack a little creativity, i think its more about how you play it and not what you are playing.

Good luck and keep posting

[Appfro]

i would work mostly on rhythm. it's a bit jumpy, but you definitely have potential. your voice also has potential, but i think you're trying too hard to sound like someone that you're not. the enunciation thing that was already mentioned will help w/ that a bit but you also miss quite a few notes, especially in the beginning. practice will fix that as well though.

keep it up, it'll take a bit of practice, but you definitely have potential.

[sfmartins]

Your voice is awesome! I usually prefer male voices, but yours is pretty powerful.

I agree with the other comments, and I think you have a great potential!

I would also put some guitar on the right channel, to make it more "balanced".

[katie]

you guys are awesome - thank you!

It's funny you mention the balance, I had no idea - I thought my cheap headphones were busted!! I'm gonna have to investigate garage band, hmmm...

the chord transition suggestions is great and the idea about playing a little bit more on the bass notes (percussively?) I think is a great idea. I think I know what a mute and a chop are. the chop is when you strum the chord in kind of a short abrupt manner but the mute...is that when you muffle the chord with your strumming hand once you strum?

the chords are, what are the chords...

gdfc then ummm some form of e, form of c, form of d and then back into g

ennunciation, yes! I will work on this. I'm gonna include the lyrics so you all can actually tell what it is I'm singing.

yeah the p.p. song is a personal favorite. my niece and nephew definetly know how to liven up a place!

thanks you guys for the input. I really appreciate the time you took and all your suggestions.

I'm pluggin' in my speakers tonight so I can take a listen to some songs y'all have here. thanks again!

a little bit different lyrics, it took me awhile to be comfortable with not necessarily telling a story but rather just being in the moment. this one is a take on photosynthesis...


sap

sun dripping heart sipping
falling up into the sky
streaming liquid life

petal stripping
heart to soul dippin
dip in

emotions speeding
igniting feeling
intense yearning
the passage of this heart
is burnin'

gentle traces
the way our beating heart races

leaves are turning
souls are burnin'
the way you make me high
caressing these thoughts inside

liquid ray swingin unseen
it's the sun fuelin me
pulse sip rush dip
our world inside
this belly of sky...

as the mask slips away
we are flippin night to.day

the world turns with a push of the hand
we can begin to see
the way love rests within

[HumbleMonkey]

good voice, very cool how you sang it, i liked that. i the guitar riff could get a little repetitive but to tell you the truth i never got bored of the song because of that, however i think adding a cool bridge or something will add a lot to the song, especially with your voice you could probably do something cool with a bridge. the first time i read through the lyrics i was thinking they are ok, when i read through again as i listened to the song i liked them a lot more. good job, i dig it