original- "lost" please critique

[acusticdude]

Just wanted to get some feedback on my new tune lost. I am not much of a singer but I did my best. I had a buddy lay down some lead lines that I looped here and there.

http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3P4Q ... B57RT3ULBR

[GreedylilPig]

Enjoyed it. The first few notes remind of Proudest Monkey (but the song takes a direction of its own). I thought the bass was the best aspect of the song. You said you weren't much of a singer but I actually thought you have a pretty nice voice. You're very true to it. I'd like to see the lyrics.

By the way, sounds great for 64 kbps.

[acusticdude]

Enjoyed it. The first few notes remind of Proudest Monkey (but the song takes a direction of its own). I thought the bass was the best aspect of the song. You said you weren't much of a singer but I actually thought you have a pretty nice voice. You're very true to it. I'd like to see the lyrics.

By the way, sounds great for 64 kbps.

thank you for the kind words. Its funny you like the bass the best. That was the first time I had ever picked up a bass in my life! I am happy with the results but I did edit out some serious mistakes. Thanks again brian.

[jellyfish]

Dmanit. Im having trouble with YSI. My work DSL fucking sucks. The most I can DL from there is a bit shy under the 1 MB mark

[acusticdude]

Enjoyed it. The first few notes remind of Proudest Monkey (but the song takes a direction of its own). I thought the bass was the best aspect of the song. You said you weren't much of a singer but I actually thought you have a pretty nice voice. You're very true to it. I'd like to see the lyrics.
By the way, sounds great for 64 kbps.

Lost:

I am sitting here still
watching the world go round and round
I can't help but feel
that the world is leaving me here
Alone in the dirt
the dusty road is leading me nowhere
Few and far away
a fire is bright burns the dust away
Take away my fears
I have to admit I feel quite weird
In this dim light
I'm suprised to say I feel alright
But it all goes away
I think I'll hold on to this day
I need more than you
are willing to give I find its true

[DMBuds]

I liked it.

[paulaitchison]

first lyrics reminded me of you never know more than p-monkey
i liked the accoustic guitar riff and bass a lot, your voice sounds a little like jack johnson and solid lyrics...
my only piont would be the construction in terms of the soloing.,,, i think the soloing starts to soon for the form of the song to be apparent. once the song has played through a bit, then loop in the solos and or pick out on particular theme and work it into the song more, it will sound more professionly mixed that way.,,, i liked it a lot.

[acusticdude]

thank you all very much!