One more Original "Emptiness"

Appfro · Unread post by **Appfro** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:11 pm

I wasn't going to post any more originals but Sand Song only got 9 replies and 2 of them were me :lol:

So I'm putting one more up.

Before you listen, I already know...WAY too long. It's like 7 min long. I have a problem. But my question is how do you shorten a song like this? 2 verses, 1 bridge, 3 choruses. Pretty standard. I don't know, it's hard. Anyway, simple little song, called Emptiness. If you need lyrics let me know.

right click save as
http://afbmthemovie.com/modules.php?nam ... etit&lid=7

btw, i wanted to thank everyone really quick that takes time out to listen and post responses. I love this forum

hofdaddy · Unread post by **hofdaddy** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:42 pm

I can't help but think that Pat Mo (from Train) would seriously own this song!

I really dig your stuff mang! The singing is missing something and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Tranman66 · Unread post by **Tranman66** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:42 pm

you are very professional with your music. I like this one. Your vocal needs to stand more, so just adjust your volume. This type of song is good too if you have a band to back you up... i dont know if you have that available to you in iraq, but i think it would sound cool.

I do like this song, but i think it gets repetitive after a while.. like after 3:30. well done.

Appfro · Unread post by **Appfro** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:52 pm

i'm going home in a month, so i'm going to audition for a band in charlotte

Tranman66 · Unread post by **Tranman66** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:07 pm

mangold · Unread post by **mangold** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:33 pm

more good work, the vocals need to come through more and it would be cool if you added a lead guitar track so its not so repetitve, good luck in charlotte

tbillie41 · Unread post by **tbillie41** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:35 pm

wow. this is really good. as someone else said, i think the recording could have the volume of the vocals up a bit. you have a nice voice.

good work man. :thumbsup:

MWR · Unread post by **MWR** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:37 pm

Great voice, great melody, great rhythm, great structure. I'm very impressed.
I would get rid of the second chorus and go into the bridge from there. I would also change up the bridge. It should be noticeably different than the rest of the song. Maybe try changing keys.
Awesome song. Why were you going to stop posting originals? You stupid or something?

Trippin Hillbilly · Unread post by **Trippin Hillbilly** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:00 pm

Damn, this is your best work yet. Awesome awesome song..
I agree with everytging MWR said and don't stop posting your originals. They kickass.

eliot1171 · Unread post by **eliot1171** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:54 pm

Very impressive, I didn't listen to the lyics because they were a little soft, but I like the guitar part a lot. Did you record this in IraQ? I think when you get back you should try and record a better/cleaner remake. A++

PS: I know what you mean by too long, I do the same thing. I can play the same riff over and over singing with it just to hear the music. It's awsome.

Appfro · Unread post by **Appfro** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:26 am

thanks everyone. i really apprecate the comments. i'll try that shortening MWR and i'll look about changing keys.

elliot - I did record this in iraq in a microphone of one of those telephone headsets. when i get home i'm going to find a better set up where i can mic my guitar and feed it in through the pickup to my computer, and i'm going to get a better mic for home recordings.

thanks guys!!!

a1075dd63aa12 · Unread post by **a1075dd63aa12** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:34 am

great song man, i love this forum too, we need more people to review stuff, but i really enjoyed the song, and the vocals were good. best of luck with the band in charlotte

i wish i could play and sing at the same time, i need to start practicing that i guess

onid41 · Unread post by **onid41** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:46 am

Man mitch i love your covers, your a very talented writer and you have a really decent voice... I enjoyed it a lot and i listened to it like 3 times in a row

My only critique is basically what everyone else says about the volume of your voice and the length of it..a minute or 2 shorter maybe, but its an excellent song man nonetheless, great job and keep it up!!

and good luck with that audition!

mangold · Unread post by **mangold** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:56 am

Appsoldier wrote:thanks everyone. i really apprecate the comments. i'll try that shortening MWR and i'll look about changing keys.

elliot - I did record this in iraq in a microphone of one of those telephone headsets. when i get home i'm going to find a better set up where i can mic my guitar and feed it in through the pickup to my computer, and i'm going to get a better mic for home recordings.

thanks guys!!!

wow, im imrpressed[/b]

gumbomadness · Unread post by **gumbomadness** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 4:45 pm

i like this song.. i think sandsong was more my type, but this one was good. your lyrics are good as well.
You dont need to shorten it.

DMBTabs.com

One more Original "Emptiness"

One more Original "Emptiness"

Who is online