original - pour offerings

[katie]

just trying to get the music out there. this is a cd my friends did musically and I layed down a track on top of what they did. pretty cool and pretty raw. quality is decent.

have a listen:

http://musicv2.com/artist/involution

[Jc]

Pretty decent quality. As for the vocals, it's very hard to understand what you are saying. I would limit the higher notes to just the chorus. During the verse I think you need to mellow it out a bit, then have it build to the high part which begins with what I think is your pre chorus?

[katie]

I should mention that I just do this for fun. I perform at open mics and things and I just like to share as a hobby.

thanks for the critique jc! I actually had to relearn this song in a different key just prior to the session. This is a home recording.

the first high note is a little weak, definetly.

the lyrics where on the site, but they just revised it and the font is so darned small you couldn't see it anyway. I'll have to post them. there is a little part where I go slightly out of tune.

I hear what you are saying, good advice, thanks man. = )

kind of reminds me of song 13 on some devil.


lyrics:

pour offerings

it seems a bit of a strange thing
when time itself seems to slip away
into the darkest caverns of the mind
returning into itself light

longing to escape
into another time - another place
seems only as difficult
as the minds hurried pace

*I have to laugh
I have to cry
upon the sorrow of that second hand
the beating of this heart

such a lonely state of affairs
this light of love to share
a stranger it becomes
when none seem to care

I know this to be falsehood
like a weary mind
elapsed with these burdens of time

*chorus

within these pour offerings
lays a wealth of treasure

[ocean]

let me preface by saying that if my opinion is asked, i will give it. and i won't lie to you. having said that, you wrote a good song. you seem to oversing it a little. you have a great voice. one of the things i try and remind myself is to sugest detail. sometimes i want to wail on something but it'd be too overpowering. really good guitar playing. again though, like with the voice, you don't need to wail on the strings to make it powerful, or to increase emotion. how old are you, and how long have you been playing?

the recording: again, you have a good voice. i don't know that it's a good idea to double it up when there isn't a harmony. paticularly on that high note at the 1:27 mark. that's all i can think of. you did a great job on it. you can tell the song means a lot to you.

but what the F do i know?

[DropD-MB]

Love the Guitar part. I dont need to elaborate what others have said with respect to the vocals. Just soften them and it will be a GREAT song.

[JeffVyain]

i gotta agree with the doubling thing...i enjoyed the song more when you were just singing, um, alone... i like the lyrics a lot. i enjoyed the way you pronounced your words a lot too...it was different, but a good different. almost like a female bob dylan at times (in the nicest way possible, because bob is the man). there were a couple times in the song where you weren't quite hitting your notes. lord knows i have that problem too. the song overall was sound...wasn't a radio song or anything, but if you want decent music, that's usually a good thing anyway.

[mangold]

just trying to get the music out there. this is a cd my friends did musically and I layed down a track on top of what they did. pretty cool and pretty raw. quality is decent.

have a listen:

http://musicv2.com/artist/involution

im a fan of the songs and id also like to thank you for being, from what i can see, the only girl outside of general DMB. (now all of the girls are gonna post with a vengence)

[katie]

hey thanks you guys for taking the time out to respond. that's way cool.

okay soften her up get in tune throughout and get rid of the doubling. I can do that!

I always love reading responses cause everyone has there own way of responding.


cheers y'all dank ya!

= )