could guys guys critique these lyrics I wrote?

[jmasta]

these are works in progress, but I figured who better to tell if they're any good or not then then wonderful people on the DMBtabs boards.

[Beauford33]

Ever thought about posting them?

[jmasta]

"That light is you"

each morning i wake
to an empty bed
an empty room
adn an empty house
but these past days
there has yet to be a moment
that i have woken
to an empty heart
for in this turmoil that i swim through
this dark watter washing around me
lost in the center
there is a light
glowing brighter and brighter
right above me
right in reach
and wich each moment that passes
that i grow tired
and fatigued
this light shines bright
and washes new hope
deep into my soul
giving me a new feeling
of rebirth
and change
that has yet to flood
my hardened viens
and now
each morning that i awake
the room seems less empty
the house more homely
and my heart
mroe whole
for each day that goes bye
i grow closer and closer to you
feeling your pull on my soul
making me feel things i never did before
and each morning that i awake
i thank the day
for coming
and shedding its light
your light
that brings a smile to my face.

"A spark becomes sunlight"

fill me up a tall glass of beautiful
in my eyes you riegn
yeah the last time I felt this way, I was dreaming

in those eyes I've lost myself so many times
that place where I'm in heaven or at least a paradise
and I'm glowing, always glowing on the inside

may I speak for every moment in time
and take me not forgranted for this could be no lie
if you every need a hand I'll be first in line
a crutch, a kiss, a love, a friend, anytime

the last time I felt this way I was dreaming
yeah the last time I felt this way, I was dreaming
...of you

take me on your wonderous ride
when your not near me your still near me in mind
your lips to me are like candy to a baby

and in my head love has come and gone
but only once in my soul has it dawned
make me up, I'm just a thousand little pieces of you

the last time I felt this way, I was dreaming
yeah the last time I felt this way, I was dreaming
..of you

a spark becomes sunlight

[kcw]

Not bad.

Write some music to them and record and post. A song isnt really a song unless it has music and stuff to it. Otherwise its still just plain poetry.

[Leibundgut17]

The lyrics are nice, the rhymes are good.

The first song or since there is no music yet, the first poetry is hard to figure out since its one long ass text, make verses out of it, plus the rhymes are weird, its hard to tell tho cause i dont know what rhytm you've been using...anyway, i think the second one is better than the first one.

However, you have a weird construction of verses which make it hard to write music to the text, since u have 3 line verses and a 4 line verse...
Try to write the music first it makes it easier, if u dont play guitar or if ur not that good, which is my case, try to hang on to a rhytm of a other song or get a easy rythm u made yourself....keep on writing tho, the stuff wasnt bad.

[jmasta]

thanks guys, I appriciate the input, I'll make some adjustments, and hopefully will be able to post some music and singing along with it the next time.