An Original: "Nothing Now"

[GreedylilPig]

Hey everyone. I've never posted an original on these boards but I figured it wouldn't hurt as I embark on bringing some cohesiveness to everything I've written and hopefully putting an album together.

I wrote this song last night - it is called "Nothing Now." It's probably more poppish than anything else I've written and I'm not too sure how I feel about that.

Some context for the song (somewhat personal, albeit vague): Having troubles with my girlfriend; reflecting on a mini-vacation we took to the beach only to not arrive at any real resolutions.

Here is the download: Nothing Now [2.9 MB]

...and here are the lyrics:

We were standing on the edge of a pier
“Look how far we can see from here,” she said
I remember when that meant something philosophical
Well it means nothing to me now
Nothing to me now

We walked the sands arm in arm
I swore I’d always keep you safe from harm
I remember when that was a solace to you
Well it means nothing to you now
I’m nothing to you now

We were so perfect
Love was alive
We would grow old is what I was told
I guess that was a lie

Standing alone I watch you walk away
I can’t help but think it seems like yesterday
I remember tasting your lips all night
Well they taste increasingly bitter now
You taste so bitter now

I know I’ve got my incessant imperfections
I wish they didn’t outshine my affections
I remember when you said I could do no wrong
Well that means nothing to us now
Nothing to us now

We were so perfect
Love was alive
We would grow old is what I was told
I guess that was a lie
I guess that was a lie

* * *

Any comments/suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks.

[spifdo]

Holy shit man. That is absolutely the coolest original I've heard off these boards. Nice fucking job, those lyrics are incredible. The guitar part was awesome and you played it so well and the vocals totally went with it. Good job man, I find myself wanting to cover that

[isaac]

It was all right. I think this would work well as a full band song because for now, the guitar part alone leaves too much space, and it's a bit too repetitive. The chorus sounds a little too similar, so that leads to the repetitive feeling throughout the song, so by the end of it it drags a little more.

Vocally, your voice wavered a bit, sometimes nearing off-key.

Lyrically, the 4th and 5th stanza were the strongest, especially
"I know I’ve got my incessant imperfections
I wish they didn’t outshine my affections"

but other then that, everything else seemed fairly cliche.

"We were so perfect
Love was alive
We would grow old is what I was told
I guess that was a lie "

I think they could be stronger because you do show a lot of promise in the stanzas that I pointed out, but you do fall into a lot of weak lines and cliches, which is terribly hard to avoid.

"I remember when that meant something philosophical" just made me cringe, along with
"We walked the sands arm in arm
I swore I’d always keep you safe from harm"

The rhyme scheme seems to force you into using trite imagery. I know that lends more "musicality" to a piece, but you may want to try writing a song without a rhyme scheme and see where that takes you.

Overall, pretty all right, but could still use a lot of work. I think the song sounds a bit too happy when juxtaposed against the lyrics themselves, so that may be a bit jarring.

[Matty Boom]

i enjoyed it, and i'm glad you finally put up an original

but after the first two verses, i was hoping for a breakdown or chorus or something because it got pretty repetitive

really good job though, and thanks for putting it up here