Stay Up: An Original

[SomeDevil0879]

Here's an original of mine. I posted it for the first time a couple months ago when the lyrics weren't quit finished. Let me know what you think. I apologize in advance for the sound quality...you might have to turn the volume pretty high. Thanks in advance for any comments.

http://www.angelfire.com/music5/somedev ... tay_Up.mp3

Lyrics

Verse
"Wake up. Stay up.
Say, watcha doing?"
You said to me
on a Thursday afternoon.

And I said, "Nothing, I'm not doing anything.
I'm just watching TV."
"Why! Why! Why
Don't you listen to me?"
You screamed.

I just rolled my eyes.
And guess what? This time
I let you see inside.

So, I stepped out
And you moved out
and we walked out.
I saw this coming.

So, I took a drive
And you fell a part.
I must say
It was pretty hard.

Chorus

The days rolled by
like the windows
on this cluttered street
yes they did
I should say
the faces that I would pass
on my drives
I didn't want them to see
the way that I feel inside
the snow on my windshield
it reminds me
as it melts away and it fades away
that yes things change
and I say, "Wake up.
Why don't you stay up?"

Verse

Well, we pushed
and we pulled
and we tried
How we tried to make this work.

The past nine months
I would say
They've become a blur.
Day to day.

So, I took a drive
and you made a flight
One time we ended up
In Pittsburgh alone

And the judges all agree
The judges agree
That round two goes to you
And three to me
Who knew?

Chorus

The days rolled by
like the windows
on this cluttered street
yes they did
I should say
the faces that I would pass
on my drives
I didn't want them to see
the way that I feel inside
the snow on my windshield
it reminds me
as it melts away and it fades away
that yes things change
and I say, "Wake up.
Why don't you stay up?"

I say, "Wake up."

[horsmar15]

I could only download the first minute of the song, because of my crappy internet connection, but from what I hear it sounded alright.

[ElGuitarrista]

Great job... originals are not easy to put together... so mad props for posting. The vocals are good... as is the guitar playing, but the recording does not do them justice.. it sounds like I'm listening through a wall. Everything is low and it's hard to hear the 'detailed subtleties' of the vocals, guitar, etc. Regarding the song itself, the guitar in the verse becomes somewhat repetitive... it may be that the verses are a little long (many stanzas before getting to the chorus). Also, I didn't get the impression of much contrast between verse and chorus (the tone of voice and guitar rythm are very similar) so the song seems like one continuous piece. Perhaps a bridge would be good in the song, or shaking up the chorus a little to make it different from the verses.

Hope those comments are constructive... thanks for posting.

[AdamCU81]

I agree with El. Additionally, I think some of the lyrics are filler....not really important, but they fit ok. Personally, I try to make every word count.....to add to the story or feeling. I don't think I'd redo the lyrics to this song because that becomes a dreaded bitch, but for future reference....ya know? Songwriting is a learning/growing experience. I'm sorry for talking like I actually have knowledge. I'm just an amateur too.

[katie]

nice melody. I especially enjoyed the chorus. The song has a great rhythm to it - kind of sublime feel in some ways, at least to me.

thanks for sharing your work

[ludes454]

I really dig this SomeDevil. Definitely a unique feel/rhythm thats hard to describe but very good. You have a super cool laid back voice too that i love. Keep em coming