looking for input

[davewmartin]

hello all,.my name is dave i live in ny with my wife,...i have bene playing guitar about 8 years now,.finaly reached a level i concider "good" or "ok" enough to record a song i wrote,......would some of you be kind enough to go have a listen,.tell me what you think?

here is teh myspace link as this is the only way for now i know how to have folks hear it. i recorded it this past sat,..i sat down sang and played it,.no warm up,.was happy with the very first take.

thank yopu so much,...........http://www.myspace.com/davechlad

[Yakko]

I like it. I could definetely see this song having a Bass to go along with it. Maybe a piano, or even a violin.

But I liked it a lot. Good Job.

[davewmartin]

thanx man,.yes i did think about maybee violin. im playing a martin dx1r or dxr1 how ever it goes,...im recording a few more in a couple of weeks.

[Banjobach]

the guitar is simple with that strum pattern you use. It would make things more interesting if you threw something else into the mix. perhaps a bass like the other guy said. The vocals are not too strenuous to, or at least it doesnt sound like they are. Maybe a little falsetto would be good to vary up the vocal melody somewhere along the way. As it is, the vocal melody stays mostly the same through the whole song. And as for the lyrics, haha well lets just say they are graphic. No but seriously it was good writing. Just the hide and seek thing with the tongues caught me off guard.
Good work
I hope to hear more from you.

[davewmartin]

hahaha,.thanx man. yeah,.well i know allot of other instruments would sound great with the song for sure. im glad i recorded and asked for input on the songs "simplest" level,.witch is acoustic and my voice, nothing else. i figured if the song was good enough to listen to like it was, then it had to be fairly good. this way if i play it at a coffee house or something it will work. yesterday a freind brought up a good point i didnt think. he said it may be a great guitar song to play on a 12 string. i dont own one though ,.haha.

asfor the lyrics,.yes they are graphic. haha,.and so far "woman" tend to like the song more then men,.or so it seems.

would you believe i had to take some lyrics out!!???

"as my salmon swim up your stream" was one line i decided to remove".

i wonder if the song ever ended up in the right hands,.or i ever got blessed enough to have it on the radio,..i may have to do a 'clean" version?? hahahaha

hey man thanx agian bro