Tell me what you think

[dmb_rulz]

This a song I wrote tell me what you think.

http://download.yousendit.com/660E48BA617A7A3A

[hofdaddy]

yikes.

[dmb_rulz]

Thanks for the constructive criticism.

[hofdaddy]

you wanted constuctive criticism and here it is...your singing was not good at all. it was monotone and held no tone at the same time, idk how to explain it. The guitar playing was pretty sloppy. To me this song also needed some tempo to it.

[Iva]

I gotta agree..u need to work on it more

[AustinG]

[quote="dmb_rulz"]This a song I wrote tell me what you think.

First things First... Every single time you sit down and play your guitar Tune it... Seriously, make it a habbit, don't ever sit down and play it unless you tune.....

If you're going to use G/C/D you really need to dress it up to keep people attention..

Yes, monotone and off key... maybe half attributed to the guitar being out of tune...?

Everything isn't going to happen overnight.. It's a long long process.. People will make fun of you, laugh at you, tell ya you sound horrible, you're wasting your time, and they may even throw things at you if you're in public... Just keep at it....and keep at it.. and keep at it....

One good thing is you didn't come posting sounding like Mr. Matthews.. So take that as a compliment.. keep at it.

[dmb_rulz]

Thanks for all the info. Doce that lyrics at lest have some promise. Maby even have someone with a much better voice sing it. I dont think fixing the guitar parts will be a problem. But my voice is my weakness.

[Raif2032]

Yeah, i don't have too much to add... it was really hard to focus on the lyrics, if you can post them maybe we can try to give you some pointers

[iha]

editeddddddddd

[dmb_rulz]

Your hope is lost light burnt out.
Nothing for sure just alot of dought.
Standing around waiting to see.
So empty like a hollow tree.
You are seeing things in a differnt light
Light faded just like your life.
Your candels flame is all but gone
I will relight it when i come along

I know you feel so let down
Things so crazy in this town
No Skys looking blue
Things will get better i promise you

You dont know were you are going.
Dried river that stopped flowing.
I will let rain come down.
The falling is such a sweet sound
Then you will see luck will change
Good things that seem strange
You candels flame is all but gone
I will relight it when i come along.

[Raif2032]

How do I say this in a non-mean way...er..

Is english, perhaps, not your first language?

You're phrasing is pretty bad...in other words, your singing doesn't really fit with the tempo/music. Also, a lot of the lyrics just don't make a whole lot of sense to me, and i'm a pretty abstract thinker..

"Your hope is lost light burnt out.
Nothing for sure just alot of dought."(you mean "doubt")

"You are seeing things in a differnt light
Light faded just like your life. " - these mean essentially nothing, i'd throw them out

"Your candle's flame is all but gone
I will relight it when i come along " - if you sing "i'll" instead of "i will" it'll sound better, you're looking at a lot of cliches though, so if you embrace that, you might have a better chance

The lyrics aren't that great, i'll be honest, but don't give up. You can make the lyrics work if the song is solid enough, just correct inconsistencies, makes sure that everything can make sense to the people listening and then just work on the music. If anything, don't look at this as your foray into the music biz, just look at it as something to work on so you can teach yourself something about song writing.

[dmb_rulz]

No english is my first lol. I typed out the lyrics realy fast without looking them over afterwards. Thanks for the input though. I will work on it. Thanks for all the honesty. Plus i just think with singing i try to hard. Maby just settle down, and then sing what i feel comfortable with.

[davewmartin]

i cant hear it,.says file no longer around or something,...i realy would like to hear it.