Song I'm workin on

[mbent4679]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

[mbent4679]

who gives a shit if a line was used before by ANY band? The only question you should be asking yourself is, "How well does it work in the context I intend to use it in?"

I agree there's a sea of words out there and it's tough not to copy exact phrases. It's the concept and the meaning behind the words that'll scream rippoff not the exact words. And like I said I'll change it to anybody up there if nessecery. No shame on my part thank you.

[mangold]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

[mbent4679]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

I have plenty of room for more lyrics. I'm having a problem eluding to the message of outer beings with out being too direct. I had a written a few lines but knew i had to toss them. But if you picked up screaming as protesting thats cool, your interpritaion. I want open interpritation. creates discussion.

so all in all it did give you an image right?

[mangold]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

I have plenty of room for more lyrics. I'm having a problem eluding to the message of outer beings with out being too direct. I had a written a few lines but knew i had to toss them. But if you picked up screaming as protesting thats cool, your interpritaion. I want open interpritation. creates discussion.

so all in all it did give you an image right?

i got different images. each "stanza" gives most people something, its just not coherent with the other stanzas

what is this talk of outer beings??

[mbent4679]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

I have plenty of room for more lyrics. I'm having a problem eluding to the message of outer beings with out being too direct. I had a written a few lines but knew i had to toss them. But if you picked up screaming as protesting thats cool, your interpritaion. I want open interpritation. creates discussion.

so all in all it did give you an image right?

i got different images. each "stanza" gives most people something, its just not coherent with the other stanzas

what is this talk of outer beings??

I try to give an image of the world. With how loud we are I ask if we have caught any "space aliens" attention. Are we loud enough for them to hear us or is it that they hear us but don't care. It's sort of an extraterestial cry for help.

[mangold]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

I have plenty of room for more lyrics. I'm having a problem eluding to the message of outer beings with out being too direct. I had a written a few lines but knew i had to toss them. But if you picked up screaming as protesting thats cool, your interpritaion. I want open interpritation. creates discussion.

so all in all it did give you an image right?

i got different images. each "stanza" gives most people something, its just not coherent with the other stanzas

what is this talk of outer beings??

I try to give an image of the world. With how loud we are I ask if we have caught any "space aliens" attention. Are we loud enough for them to hear us or is it that they hear us but don't care. It's sort of an extraterestial cry for help.

creative

[JCork]

i actually think the song has some potential.

however, the lyrics, any and all plagarism aside, are pretty horrible. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Before you whip out your nursery rhymes to give your songs a "folksey" feel, you sure as hell better have a message first. for extra points they should be related.

You honestly don't know what the song is trying to say? I'm sorry man, I don't know how to be more direct with you. Can anyone back me up on this?

The earth spins round and round I used the we all fall down as a message of our own demise because of war/global warming. This song is about the chaos of this planet and is asking if there are any other beings out there that notice it.

Little info: the ice caps in norway are slowly melting as their country only see's it as an opertunity to dig for oil (the reason there melting in the first place). I had a teacher tell me this last semester and so I was inspired. It's not nonsence.

i honestly had no idea thats what you were going for. theres mention of war and it sounds like some sort of protest from all the screaming and no one paying attention.

I have plenty of room for more lyrics. I'm having a problem eluding to the message of outer beings with out being too direct. I had a written a few lines but knew i had to toss them. But if you picked up screaming as protesting thats cool, your interpritaion. I want open interpritation. creates discussion.

so all in all it did give you an image right?

i got different images. each "stanza" gives most people something, its just not coherent with the other stanzas

what is this talk of outer beings??

I try to give an image of the world. With how loud we are I ask if we have caught any "space aliens" attention. Are we loud enough for them to hear us or is it that they hear us but don't care. It's sort of an extraterestial cry for help.

creative

I don't know how you got THIS from THAt.... i agree with mangold, it sounds like you might be trying a litttttle too hard. but its got some potential

[mbent4679]

mabye I'll work with the verses. Or do you think it's a good idea to leave the listener questioning the meaning until the bridge where I may fill in the holes to surprise the listener?

[Kahn]

you dont need to worry. no one is listening

[mangold]

mabye I'll work with the verses. Or do you think it's a good idea to leave the listener questioning the meaning until the bridge where I may fill in the holes to surprise the listener?

guessing is not going to convey your message

[mbent4679]

I've been thinkin about it and I may need a lot of time to make this thought clear without being awkward. I'm gunna rewrite most of it and let you guys know when I'm done.

[lyrics101]

I've been thinkin about it and I may need a lot of time to make this thought clear without being awkward. I'm gunna rewrite most of it and let you guys know when I'm done.

Only thing I really don't like is the first verse. Of course, I'm fond of ambiguity. There's nothing worse in an anti-war song, for example, than phrases like "Give peace a chance."

[mbent4679]

I've been thinkin about it and I may need a lot of time to make this thought clear without being awkward. I'm gunna rewrite most of it and let you guys know when I'm done.

Only thing I really don't like is the first verse. Of course, I'm fond of ambiguity. There's nothing worse in an anti-war song, for example, than phrases like "Give peace a chance."

WOW! Thnx I know by now I didn't portray my thought the way I wanted to but I now understand it through your guys point of view. I shall direct the first verse in a better direction with the advice I've been given.