first vocal recording (gasp!): Coming Home

[boy52]

Hello all, so I finally put some music behind the lyrics I posted a couple days ago. Changed some of the lyrics too. Well, just looking for any kind of feedback to improve this thing! Thanks for listening. =)

http://s19.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2IYC ... 025XGLPNXR


Coming Home

V1.
Hey, so good to see you
How have you been? Surviving in this new life
Tall buildings, four seasons,
Hope you found good reasons
To laugh like in the days when
They’d just car-ry on, carry on

Chorus:
You were a flight of stairs, now a flight away
But the miles fly by when you’re
On my mind, love
Countin’ down the days for that eager embrace
‘Cause seeing you feels like comin home.

V2.
We drove for miles and for miles
Adventures taking place on those unscripted kind of days
We stood at the top of the world, your eyes
Were brighter than
The lights that were beneath us
Never felt so alive before, before

Bridge:
I’ll take a chance to show you
That you’ve bettered the man in me, and
You’re already a star on my Broadway
Come on, I saved a seat
Right here next to me
Let’s see what happens in the end

Outro:
You were a flight away, and now I’m here to say
That it’s you I miss, it’s you I miss
In your aspiring dreams, is there room for me?
Oh I’m hoping now, hoping now.
You’re my favorite dream

[dmbvideos]

Dude, that was really good.
I was turned off a few days ago by the "Miles and miles" line cuz of "She Will Be Loved," but this was great.
Great voice, great guitar work. Keep up the good work.

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Wow, very impressive. Youre voice is very solid and the recording quality is very high. What did you use? Is that reverb on your voice or something else?

The percussion matches the song very well, I only wish there was a bassline to fill out the bottom end of the song.

Wow, at 2:18 your falsetto sounded exactyly jason mraz.

Overall some of the best work i have heard on the boards and definitely one of the best voices.

Keep it up!

[You_Enjoy_Myself]

Wow, this is a really great song. My only critique is a very minor one, but it sounded like the guitar and the shaker were just ever so slightly out of sync at the start of the bridge.

I was listening to the Garden State soundtrack when I listened to this, and it fit right in. Great job.

[GreedylilPig]

Excellent work, I am impressed. You're very true to your natural voice and know your range well. Quality lyrics. Borderline sappy at points, but never fully so because the tone of the song is an expression of simple admiration and appreciation (at least that's what I get out of it), and being such, I think it's just about perfect.

A few specific observations/suggestions:

The song still seems a tad bit ad-lib at certain points. At other points I can tell you know exactly where you want to go with your vocals, but at other points, I'm not so sure. I guess this is natural being that you just wrote the song and the direction will become clearer the more you play it.

I think a brief instrumental introduction coming to a halt and then beginning the song would be a good alternative to starting out with vocals right away. But that's probably just a personal preference.

Excellent rhythm and your guitar sounds fantastic. Especially like your picking rhythm around :23-:26. Perfect levels.

"'Cause seeing you feels like comin' home" is the best lyric of the song, in my opinion, so I'm happy to see you've decided to name the song such.

Very folky. Reminds me of Ray Lamontagne singing a John Gorka song.

Questions I have for you:

How old are you?
How long have you been playing?
How many songs have you written?
Any vocal training?
What is your recording setup?
What kind of guitar are you playing?

[Raif2032]

Yeah, I do agree that the lyrics were a little sappy at times, but that's really just nitpicking and personal preference. Also, I think there was a time in verse 2 where the timing felt off to me.

Anyways, awesome job man, keep posting.

[boy52]

Thanks for all the replies guys, really appreciate it. You guys picked up on things that I wasnt even aware of. Awesome. =)

dmbvideo: wow, i'm totally embarrassed that i made a reference to maroon 5.. i had no idea. hahah.. good catch though.

runswithbuffalo: hey man, thanks for your comments. i used cool edit pro and added a little reverb for the vocals.. the "medium concert hall" setting. boy, it was a pain to go through all the settings and settle on something i liked..

youenjoymyself: seriously, i have some issues with timing and rhythm. i did a couple takes with the shaker and that was the best one. then i got tired and went to bed.

greedylilpig: what great list of valuable points you wrote up. i'll have to look up ray lamontagne and john gorka when i have time. and to answer your q's, im 24, played acoustic for 11 yrs (on and off), electric for 2, wrote three other originals which havent been recorded, the only voice training i got was singing for my church week after week, used a line 6 tone port hooked up to a TubePre for my AKG Perception 100 condenser mike, and hooked up my taylor 414ce to my Boss GT-6 board. oh, and referring to your quote you have at the bottom, we sung that song in my choir when i was a little kid.. while doing body motions. it was pretty embarrassing.

raif: yup, i got timing issues i need to fix.. i felt like i lost my sense of rhythm when i record the guitar and vocals separately.

[Alazais]

I love this. great voice, great quality, smooth guitar. Shaker adds a nice soothing touch, the only critique I would have is the lyrics of the second verse.

We drove for miles and for miles
Adventures taking place on those unscripted kind of days
We stood at the top of the world, your eyes
Were brighter than
The lights that were beneath us
Never felt so alive before, before

I love up until "unscripted days" after that the lyrics are almost bland and cheesy.
other then that, I look forward to your next recording almost as much as I do Greedylilpig's.

[martinstud17]

i liked it a lot, especially the chorus, i thought it was relaly nicely written and i really enjoyed your voice. real good job

[Taylor614CE]

I enjoyed that, there is definatley a story behind that song and thats what drew me in. I like the lyrics.

Pro's: Great lyrics, great guitar, your voice is impressive but I tell you what, you have the makings of being a great singer...a few lessons you would be off...don't get me wrong they sound good on the track.

Constructive Critisicm: A little to much verb for me on the vocals, also, did you pan the guitar and the vocals at all? Or are they both down the middle?
Also I felt the transition from the bridge to the outro seemed sudden. Small little things that could be fixed easliy. These are just my opinion's.

Overall I dug it, good work.

[boy52]

hey Alazais, thanks for the feedback man. yea, i didnt mean for the lyrics to sound so sappy at times, but there was a story behind the second stanza. i guess it didnt seem sappy at the time i wrote it, but i understand from an outside-of-the-box perspective.

taylor614, glad to see youre a member of the taylor family as i am! im a little taken aback by your "potential of a great singer" part because by no means am i anywhere in that category. this is a first recording for me which was a huge learning experience in developing an ear for my own voice. but i really appreciate your feeback. to answer your q's, yes, both guitar and vocals were panned down the middle... i wonder if it would have sounded better if they werent. and yea, the transition could have definitely been made smoother.. ill work on that next time.

[Taylor614CE]

Most of the time, and by no means is there a standard, the guitars are panned out to the left and right, you make to tracks for the one guitar track and pan each to the side, vocals done the midddle...this will allow for a much better mix.