First Post: Original Song lyrics

[DunDMB1237]

Well I've been a long time lurker and finally decided to join!
I've been playing guitar for about 3 yrs and just started song writing. I wanted to share a song that I wrote and really want to hear your critism and comment so that I can improve!
This songs called Why Skip This Day...here goes...
Why Skip This Day?
by Brandon Dunlop

His silky web
the spider weaves,
jumping tree to tree,
he never misses a beat

And Jack so nimble,
Jack so quick
Hes easily jumps that stick,
he never misses a beat

But when I sit down and start to think,
my life is much to hard a drink
and it turns out
our lifetime's are way to short

So why skip this day?
Its like the day before
Just another number
The next will be the same
Maybe a change in weather
I think I forgot the month
But it doesn't really matter
Why skip this day?

I look at you
you look at me
and we look at each other
'til our eyes start to sting

And you laugh
while I stare
not knowing what to say,
Is it me or am I nervous?

But when I sit down and start to think,
my life is much to hard a drink
and it turns out
our lifetime's are way to short

So why skip this day?
Its like the day before
Just another number
The next will be the same
Maybe a change in weather
I think I forgot the month
But it doesn't really matter
Why skip this day?

Silly dog chased
the tail of a whale
and I hoped for the best...

I chase you
with my tail between my legs
and I hoped for the best...

But when I sit down and start to think,
my life is much to hard a drink
and it turns out
our lifetime's are way to short

So why skip this day?
Its like the day before
Just another number
The next will be the same
Maybe a change in weather
I think I forgot the month
But it doesn't really matter
Why skip this day?

Well there it is...its basically about nothing...but there is some hidden meaning in there like...live life to the fullest...chase your dreams that old chestnut...I hope you enjoy it and look forward to hearing what your say!

[DunDMB1237]

was it that bad??? anyone????

[6_strings_for_life]

eehhhh, sounds like ants+pig and kind of kiddish. But Ive seen worse

[Raif2032]

"And Jack so nimble,
Jack so quick
Hes easily jumps that stick,
he never misses a beat "

I really didn't like that part, reminds me of that island-limbo song "jack-be nibah, jack be queek, jack go Under de' limbo steek".

Yeah, it's a little whimsacle, but I think that's what you're going for, i'd love to hear it set to music.

[J_Clark]

It does sound quite childish, but as you write more this will naturally go away. Just keep writing songs, fixing this one up, and soon you will become a more skilled writer. Just remember, do not give up! We all wrote our first song, and to most of us it stunk! I bet Dave did the same thing, and look at him now!

[meicjos]

"And Jack so nimble,
Jack so quick
Hes easily jumps that stick,
he never misses a beat "

I really didn't like that part, reminds me of that island-limbo song "jack-be nibah, jack be queek, jack go Under de' limbo steek".

Yeah, it's a little whimsacle, but I think that's what you're going for, i'd love to hear it set to music.

I also didn't like this part. Not because its a bad lyric, but because there's a similar line in American Pir, and no offense, but this song isn't as good as American Pie. I will also say that I could tell that you like DMB. Keep writing though, someday I may write a song.