First real song with my singer. Critique!

[Tranman66]

I love this song, i hope you guys like it too. I am on guitar, shes on vocal.

YOu can listen to it here

http://www.myspace.com/blueinktk

or

dl it here

http://s54.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0G3D ... X6J9Y7BOK2

thanks!!

cheap recording equipments, sorry for that.

[Tranman66]

ah come on... dont vote if you're not gonna comment

[Appfro]

i honestly don't really like the song. your vocalist can sing but the words run into each other way too much. it's like she's trying to hard to keep up. She's off a few times too, but her high notes sound really good.

the rythm is off a bunch of times. it gets annoying. it's not horrible. it just needs some work.

[MrMister612]

It is not that bad but it does get a little monotanous(sp) especially when you cant tell what the lyrics are half the time.

[Tranman66]

thanks all, we really need constructive comments like that. and i notice one essential thing that the song lacks is dynamic. It calls for a re-record, i have to go with acoustic this time too.

[horsmar15]

In my honest opinion I would give the song like 2.5 out of 5. Average but it really didn't catch my ear. In my opinion the chorus could use some work. Your singer has a decent voice and you seem to be pretty good on guitar, keep writing you'll get it.

[Appfro]

thanks all, we really need constructive comments like that. and i notice one essential thing that the song lacks is dynamic. It calls for a re-record, i have to go with acoustic this time too.

constructive criticism is what we're here for. i think re-recording could do it some justice. i would really try to rewrite a bit though. your words are jumbled. if that's what you're looking for then cool, but i've never really liked it that style that much with the exception of incubus. the song seems a bit too melodic and easy goign to have that many words. i know rewriting is the worst thing in the world, but i'm thinking it wouldn't help w/ a few of the lines in this song.

[Tranman66]

thanks appfro

[juineaux]

sounds good, but I'm gonna go with everyone else & say that the words sound a little jumbled & the rythym gets off at a few points. She has a great voice, and your guitar part fits the mood. Nice job & Nice song, just needs a little tightening.

[Sciaracastro]

i honestly don't really like the song. your vocalist can sing but the words run into each other way too much. it's like she's trying to hard to keep up. She's off a few times too, but her high notes sound really good.

the rythm is off a bunch of times. it gets annoying. it's not horrible. it just needs some work.

i agree on everything about lyrics and vocals. the rhythm is good, but try to mix it up w/ something: it gets annoying after a while.

[markTR]

not to get to repetitive here, but you could definetly work on the song a little bit more, most significantly in the lyrical aspect of it. like many have said before, the words run into each other at times, and are not always understood. its almost awkward at times. i like the guitar riff, but i'd try and find a way to mix things up a bit, just so you can better keep the listeners attention throughout the song. a pretty good job though, both you and your vocalist have talent. you just might want to think about possibly tweeking the song a little bit.