not a recording but can someone critique this riff please?

[musicalman865]

i would like you guys to critique a riff of a song i wrote if its not a problem with you, i just like to see what people think of little things i make up whether its negative or postive.I'm just asking this once because for some reason I'm very anxious and i am for some reason very in to this song. I'm going to write the overall harmony of the song in basic chords with the little riff of lyrics. see if you can figure it out. It is very simple


C
I felt so mesmer-

G
-ized,looking at her beautiful

Bb
eyes, ohhhh you

F
lift me up baby, but will i

E7
ever see you again





thanks, i understand if you cant get a feel of it but if you can please tell me what you think of this little thing

[AdamCU81]

You need to give some more clues. What's the time, tempo, style?

[a1075dd63aa12]

at least record a version of it, no matter how shitty the quality.

[musicalman865]

You need to give some more clues. What's the time, tempo, style?

It's in basic 4/4 timing, the tempo is about 96, very simple, you change chords every measure except the when you hit the F on 1 and E7 on 3 in the last measure, I'll try to get a recording up on a random tape or something, or atleast try to make a little sheet music page i can download on my computer, its a basic rock feel

[Tranman66]

theres no way anyone can critique just by looking at what you gave us.

[andreasolsson]

its like listening to a painting to find out if its nice..
if its music then there must be a sound atleat.
if its a painting then it must be colors..
and so on....

but its alwas fun to hear homerecorded songs=)

[DJR]

theres no way anyone can critique just by looking at what you gave us.

i'm afraid he's right, we have absolutely no idea of how the melody sounds, or how you're strumming, or the voicing of each chord - sorry bro, we'd like to help, but we need more

[smedley]

You need to give some more clues. What's the time, tempo, style?

It's in basic 4/4 timing, the tempo is about 96, very simple, you change chords every measure except the when you hit the F on 1 and E7 on 3 in the last measure, I'll try to get a recording up on a random tape or something, or atleast try to make a little sheet music page i can download on my computer, its a basic rock feel

that E7 doesn't sound right, try either D or Em

[musicalman865]

You need to give some more clues. What's the time, tempo, style?

It's in basic 4/4 timing, the tempo is about 96, very simple, you change chords every measure except the when you hit the F on 1 and E7 on 3 in the last measure, I'll try to get a recording up on a random tape or something, or atleast try to make a little sheet music page i can download on my computer, its a basic rock feel

that E7 doesn't sound right, try either D or Em

i understand that you havn't heard the song dude, but if i get a recording or somethin on here, the open E7 chord really is suppose to be there, but i can see what you are sayin, ill try a D there

[smedley]

You need to give some more clues. What's the time, tempo, style?

It's in basic 4/4 timing, the tempo is about 96, very simple, you change chords every measure except the when you hit the F on 1 and E7 on 3 in the last measure, I'll try to get a recording up on a random tape or something, or atleast try to make a little sheet music page i can download on my computer, its a basic rock feel

that E7 doesn't sound right, try either D or Em

i understand that you havn't heard the song dude, but if i get a recording or somethin on here, the open E7 chord really is suppose to be there, but i can see what you are sayin, ill try a D there

it might be just the way i'm playing it, but if you could, put up the recording, you dont have to do vocals if you dont want to