Wrote a storytelling song

[borocks]

I wrote the music for a new song and later came up with these lyrics. It's something I haven't done so far, it's written like a story. Well the verses tell the story and the chorus kind of deals with it or shows how I feel about it. The rhythm is very regular and therfore, I made rhymes.

Tell me what you think and if there's something weird to you.

Here you go

Verse 1
a man and his son, as the sun began to fade,
were walking down the street and got into a shade
an unknown man approached, pulled out a knife
and claimed the purse, the chain, the watch - otherwise his life

looking around for help but nobody near
the father couldn’t move, was petrified by fear

then he got stabbed and sank to the ground
his hands at this belly, pressed on the wound
the robber fled the scene, ran off into the night
as fast as he had come, disappeared in the twilight


Chorus
Am I dreaming or is this really true?
life ain’t just - and nor easy to go through
coincidental accident, but whose load to bear?
the little boy hoped to awaken from a nightmare

but I know it’s true


Verse 2
the sirens broke the silence but it was too late oh
and the pain of the boy, never ever to abate no
blood had poured on the curb side and on the street
the boy’s tears had rolled down his cheek
couldn’t think of anything, so paralysed
his dad had breathed his last, no longer agonised


Chorus
Am I dreaming or is this really true?
life ain’t just - and nor easy to go through
don’t you ever try to question why
it can’t be justified
yeahhh ..can’t be justified ..
and now it’s whose load to bear?
the little boy hoped to awaken from a nightmare

but I know it’s true, I know it’s true
I wish it were a dream for you

[eliot1171]

I like it. I really think lyrics are versitile. You can use what ever you want and whatever means something to you. If others don't like them then who cares. I only found one part that I thought was akward, "-and nor" in the chorus, they kinda clash together, but thats my opinion. If you like itt and it makes sense, good job.

[Leibundgut17]

Some sweet shit pal, really i think its pretty decent stuff...well i havent been high in a while so u know what kind of phase im going through with writing..hehe...nice rhyming...a few weird things i think can be written either way but just sounds weird to me,

first, and nor kinda weird but this other dude already said that so...fuck it.

second thing is in the line. Now its whose load to bear? sounds weird make it, now whose load is it to bear...same speed and sounds kinda better....

aber aute, d lyrics gfaue mir, du wirsch no richtig guet im schribe...und a dire guitare skills hani jo nie zwieflet...!!!!!! peace

[a1075dd63aa12]

i liked it man good stuff

[hmm69]

i didnt read it because its kinda long but im pretty sure id like it if i did

[borocks]

Some sweet shit pal, really i think its pretty decent stuff...well i havent been high in a while so u know what kind of phase im going through with writing..hehe...nice rhyming...a few weird things i think can be written either way but just sounds weird to me,

first, and nor kinda weird but this other dude already said that so...fuck it.

second thing is in the line. Now its whose load to bear? sounds weird make it, now whose load is it to bear...same speed and sounds kinda better....

aber aute, d lyrics gfaue mir, du wirsch no richtig guet im schribe...und a dire guitare skills hani jo nie zwieflet...!!!!!! peace

Thanks bro

as for the second thing you mentioned, I meant it as a rethoric question because the answer is obvious: it's the boy's load to bear. Since it is rethoric I didn't put it interrogatively. It's difficult to get the feeling for the song without listening and just reading the lyrics, but I shall leave it that way. the first thing, you and the other guy mentioned, the "and nor"-thing will be changed.

[lameass202]

Some great stuff, bo. I love any songs that have a great story behind them, even if I don't dig the music...

"Welcome to Storytellers"

[a1075dd63aa12]

i didnt read it because its kinda long but im pretty sure id like it if i did

really helpful

[Teego Time]

i didnt read it because its kinda long but im pretty sure id like it if i did

really helpful

I usually don't say anything about that kinda stuff but really... That's worse than flaming the guy. At least if you flamed him you might have read it and actually felt something about it. Big eyeroll.

Oh yeah, cool lyrics, but I couldn't really get them to flow in my head. (If that made any sense...) And I think it rhymes too much, but I might just be acting dumb.

I dig the chorus though!

[MWR]

Pretty good lyrics.

I'd def. change-"and nor easy to go through"
Ground and wound don't rhyme at all in that context.
I'm also curious about the meter. Some lines seem like they would sound awkward no matter how you arrange them. Maybe we'll hear a recording soon?