Song about God

Post recordings you have made here and get feedback from the community. Songwriting topics would also reside here.

Moderators: onid41, jkanter

Post Reply
User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Song about God

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Thu Aug 05, 2004 11:37 pm

This is a song i wrote at my computer and i wanted some feedback before i try to mess around with it. The songs resided mostly in the fact that a belief can drive us to do anything, and that it can be abused (i.e the holy wars raged against american soldiers, etc.) tell me waht you think, thanks guys

PEACE!!! :wink:

Untiltled

He said I will fight your battles, but I must win your guns
I will bloody up the world, for the sport of fun

I will take whom marches on, and blast them all away
I will cleanse these filthy ways, for a brighter day

He came on close
Battle drained tears to roll
And beat his drum
And march on
Oh, he came on close
And left me here praying

Bow before my mighty throne and I will chose your simple goals
Go now carry the weight of the world, carry what I enrich your soul

I can’t find this based relief, fall now worship false beliefs
And sing from atop the world, the praises of a mighty one

He came on close
Battle drained tears to roll
And beat his drum
And march on
Oh, he came on close
And left me here praying

Praying
I’m waiting to be fulfilled
Slaying
Dying for these things of old
Fire
And screaming for a different way
Praying
Oh, God leave me here

Leave me, Leave me
Leave me singing
Leave me, Leave me
Leave me bleeding

User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:17 pm

well im glad noone has anything to write.....

come on guys, dont make me post in the wrong forum

i just want some feedback


PEACE!!! :wink:

Macht
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 3705
Joined: Wed May 19, 2004 7:34 pm
Location: San Francisco
Contact:

Unread post by Macht » Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:31 pm

:shock: :shock:

that's really intense

i like

Bow before my mighty throne and I will chose your simple goals
Go now carry the weight of the world, carry what I enrich your soul

I can’t find this based relief, fall now worship false beliefs
And sing from atop the world, the praises of a mighty one

that part is thumbs up man.


But I'm not sure if people would liek to hear this stuff. I mean i like it, but it's just... powerful
Image
VP of the "Fender Sucks" club
Please, use the term ignorant correctly

User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:37 pm

thanks for the advice. i know what you mean about it being powerful, but ive been writing for about three years (since i was thirteen), and i used to write really deep, and then lately my writibng has been lettingup and have become more soft and John Mayer-ish (no offesnse to him, hes great, i just dont want to have every song about a girl or about love or stuff like that). Anyway, lately ive been trying to get back to the deeper things i used to write about. anyway, thanks for the advice.

PEACE!!! :wink:

User avatar
filmdude100cms
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 7909
Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:26 am
Location: University of Alabama

Unread post by filmdude100cms » Fri Aug 06, 2004 6:59 pm

1 thing i didnt like, it was great btw, is that without the intro you typed it kinda seems like a hate song, its awesome, im just confused by it some, it rocks though.

User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Sat Aug 07, 2004 11:37 am

thanks yall for ur advice on the song, it helped a lot.... once i finish my demo ill see if i can add some stuff up here on the site so yall can llisten to the final products. one more thing, does anybody else have any songs about god or religion that they would post? it would be cool to read some more of yalls stuff.


PEACE!!! :wink:

User avatar
katie
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:12 pm
Location: -*-
Contact:

Unread post by katie » Sat Aug 07, 2004 4:34 pm

your talented.

I can’t find this based relief, fall now worship false beliefs

I don't know about this. whose to say? What is false to one may be the truth to another or perhaps it's all interlaced. interesting, thanks for letting us take a look and comment.

User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Sat Aug 07, 2004 5:52 pm

thanks katie

i dont know if you were asking me what i mean by that line:

I can’t find this based relief, fall now worship false beliefs

but i meant that many things promise us comfort in the end, like everything about its promise is based on that we seek that comfort, but we never seem to make it to that comfort, becasue it really was never there to begin with, and all were left with is bitterness and hate, and no relief. thanks everyone again

PEACE!!! :wink:
don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself
this love's too good to last and i'm too old to dream

don't grow up too fast don't embrace the past
this life's too good to last and i'm too young to care

don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself
this life could be the last and we're too young to see

MWR
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2085
Joined: Sat Apr 19, 2003 3:28 pm
Location: Anytown, USA

Unread post by MWR » Sun Aug 08, 2004 3:32 am

I like it. It's not preechy or pretentious. As a side note I would like to say that the American religous right is in the same boat as islamic extremists. That might be offensive but it's true. Maybe realizing that will give more perspective to the song. Just a thought.

Too Step
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2003 8:13 pm

Unread post by Too Step » Tue Aug 10, 2004 6:59 am

Just out of interest have you heard the song "God Moves Through You" by Mraz? He adapted it from a poem from some philosopher.

http://www.mrazmerized.com/setlists/vie ... lyricID=39

Chris
"You can go through life trying to be popular but the size of your funeral turnout will largely be dictated by the weather"

User avatar
sunglassesatnight
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 13357
Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2003 9:54 pm

Unread post by sunglassesatnight » Tue Aug 10, 2004 8:00 am

MWR wrote:I like it. It's not preechy or pretentious. As a side note I would like to say that the American religous right is in the same boat as islamic extremists. That might be offensive but it's true. Maybe realizing that will give more perspective to the song. Just a thought.
I'm pretty sure Jerry Falwell never flew a plane into a building or declared 'holy war' on a 'Monica Lewinsky country.'

User avatar
seanbryantkbq
DMBTabs.com Authority
Posts: 2158
Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 6:31 pm
Location: Marietta, Ga
Contact:

Unread post by seanbryantkbq » Tue Aug 10, 2004 9:37 pm

yea ive heard the mraz song once, its good, i actually have his cd, and his live acoustic cd that u cn get ffrom his website.... anyway, yea i know that its not just islamic extremists and stuff, we all deal with it. i was just using it as an example... this osng supposed to be angered towards being led to believe somthing u realize u DONT want to believe.... thats my idea at least


PEACE!!! :wink:
don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself
this love's too good to last and i'm too old to dream

don't grow up too fast don't embrace the past
this life's too good to last and i'm too young to care

don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself
this life could be the last and we're too young to see

Post Reply

Return to “Recording & Critiquing”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 217 guests