I thought I'd post some of my originals. I don't have much of a recording setup, just a line into my pc and a pc mic, but I think these sound pretty good considering. Let me know what you think.
http://www.arches.uga.edu/~tjenkins/hobbies.htm
-Tim
Four of my originals...
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BlueWaters
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Holy s hit dude... that s hit is f ucking awesome... i feel like i'm ripping you off by listening to it. Only criticism is that i think it would be totally complete if you had a band playing along (some songs over others). "Turned Around" sounds good like it is, but the others might benefit from some backup. Guitar is creative and sweet and the vocals are original and clearly deep (you can feel the emotion in your singing). You have some definite potential man, i'd play with you any day...
"eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die..." -DMB
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
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fatjack
- DMBTabs.com Authority
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i listened to all four songs and i'll give you a critique on each one
first off, your recording quality isn't that bad for just a line into your pc. and second, dont expect me to critique your lyrics because i never pay attention to those anyway
"Turn Around" was a solid song, but it was WAY too long. there isn't much of a possibilty that you will keep the listener interested through the entire seven minutes, especially since you have one instrument. the progression was decent but its still wasn't very unique
"You'll Remain" was a better song in general. it had a more interesting progression, a better melody, and wasn't as long.
"Mother's Day" was WAY too much like a DMB song. It sounded like you just rearranged the chords to Grey Street. Also, it was far too long as well.
"resigned" was definitely my favorite. It has a very interesting progression and some pretty cool changes. the melody was anything special, but i dont think a strong melody is necessary for this kind of song
Overall, i think all of your songs are pretty solid. They aren't bad, but they aren't great either. There just isn't much about them that are unique and interesting.
the best compliment i can give you is your voice. as i listened more and more, i realized that you sound kind of like Seal, just not as smooth and silky.
the potential is definitely there man, just keep working hard and let us know when you have more stuff.
first off, your recording quality isn't that bad for just a line into your pc. and second, dont expect me to critique your lyrics because i never pay attention to those anyway
"Turn Around" was a solid song, but it was WAY too long. there isn't much of a possibilty that you will keep the listener interested through the entire seven minutes, especially since you have one instrument. the progression was decent but its still wasn't very unique
"You'll Remain" was a better song in general. it had a more interesting progression, a better melody, and wasn't as long.
"Mother's Day" was WAY too much like a DMB song. It sounded like you just rearranged the chords to Grey Street. Also, it was far too long as well.
"resigned" was definitely my favorite. It has a very interesting progression and some pretty cool changes. the melody was anything special, but i dont think a strong melody is necessary for this kind of song
Overall, i think all of your songs are pretty solid. They aren't bad, but they aren't great either. There just isn't much about them that are unique and interesting.
the best compliment i can give you is your voice. as i listened more and more, i realized that you sound kind of like Seal, just not as smooth and silky.
the potential is definitely there man, just keep working hard and let us know when you have more stuff.
I'm Josh: sometimes known as Steve
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BlueWaters
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I thought, if anything, that "Mother's Day" was more of a Collective Soul feel in the intro than DMB ("The World I Know" or something like that). In any case, the song is still original and solid. Now that I step back and look at the songs though, they do run a little long in certain sections, but you could totally add some fillers, guitar or even vocally would be sweet.fatjack wrote:"Mother's Day" was WAY too much like a DMB song. It sounded like you just rearranged the chords to Grey Street. Also, it was far too long as well.
"eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die..." -DMB
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
first song sounds really solid. nice voice man. you should post the lyrics. I would love to here you do some wailing. let's see what the other songs bring.
song two - I love the intro already and that cool lick on the bass notes. nice - great drive. the effect on the voice is smoky and neat. It would be great to have a little bit more energy in your voice, but it still sounds great. digging the lyrics. much different than the first song. ahh there is the energy. I would definetly say on those long notes try to open the back of your throat a little more - for a more rich tone. (only opinion) nice, loving the lick. you've got a great range. smile upon your face.. I love the way the way some of the notes at the end of a line of lyrics falls. about those long notes sometimes you almost have to sing a slightly different vowel to get it out more open. I hope that makes sense. really nice. The melody is great, might want to just change it up a tad in a few parts (fluctuation, up's and downs and all arounds) - let go of your voice, when you do it sounds awesome. just my humble opinion. I hope you don't mind. talented.
third song - ah the guitar is really nice. love the tone. couldn't here your voice in the first few lines of the song. digging the lyrics. you might consider getting some females to back you up on this one, sounds really good. your voice, really nice. may I ask where you are breathing from. I love this song - the guitar takes me away in the instrumental part. having a hard time understanding the lyrics in a few parts. transition is nice. awesome!
song four - intro a little long, if you haven't taken any formal vocal lessons - I would serious suggest it. you have a great voice but the foundation seems a little shaky, breathe and energy wise - really good. ah sweet guitar. love the little solo licks. fahhh or fohhh - ling. great guitar - really solid.
I'm in no means an expert and I have no intention of trying to displease you or hurt your feelings. I don't know all that much about guitar but I have been singing since I was young - the vowels on the longer notes if you tweak them slightly into a different tone ahh's ohh's, etc...fool around with it.
really great - talented thanks for sharing. would love to jam.
song two - I love the intro already and that cool lick on the bass notes. nice - great drive. the effect on the voice is smoky and neat. It would be great to have a little bit more energy in your voice, but it still sounds great. digging the lyrics. much different than the first song. ahh there is the energy. I would definetly say on those long notes try to open the back of your throat a little more - for a more rich tone. (only opinion) nice, loving the lick. you've got a great range. smile upon your face.. I love the way the way some of the notes at the end of a line of lyrics falls. about those long notes sometimes you almost have to sing a slightly different vowel to get it out more open. I hope that makes sense. really nice. The melody is great, might want to just change it up a tad in a few parts (fluctuation, up's and downs and all arounds) - let go of your voice, when you do it sounds awesome. just my humble opinion. I hope you don't mind. talented.
third song - ah the guitar is really nice. love the tone. couldn't here your voice in the first few lines of the song. digging the lyrics. you might consider getting some females to back you up on this one, sounds really good. your voice, really nice. may I ask where you are breathing from. I love this song - the guitar takes me away in the instrumental part. having a hard time understanding the lyrics in a few parts. transition is nice. awesome!
song four - intro a little long, if you haven't taken any formal vocal lessons - I would serious suggest it. you have a great voice but the foundation seems a little shaky, breathe and energy wise - really good. ah sweet guitar. love the little solo licks. fahhh or fohhh - ling. great guitar - really solid.
I'm in no means an expert and I have no intention of trying to displease you or hurt your feelings. I don't know all that much about guitar but I have been singing since I was young - the vowels on the longer notes if you tweak them slightly into a different tone ahh's ohh's, etc...fool around with it.
really great - talented thanks for sharing. would love to jam.
i'll post the lyrics to these songs below. first a note about the vocals; because i'm using a pc mic, i've had to be very careful not to sing too loud or breathe heavily because of the sensitivity. however, your comments are duely noted; i feel the same way about my voice!
as for length, i appreciate any comments dealing with areas that could be cut or truncated. it's so hard to cut back on what you're used to playing, plus it's hard to realize that you can be a little long winded.
i really appreciate all of your feedback. i'll be posting other songs soon, and i'll look forward to your comments then as well. the lyrics are in the following four posts.
as for length, i appreciate any comments dealing with areas that could be cut or truncated. it's so hard to cut back on what you're used to playing, plus it's hard to realize that you can be a little long winded.
i really appreciate all of your feedback. i'll be posting other songs soon, and i'll look forward to your comments then as well. the lyrics are in the following four posts.
-Tim
Turned Around
Turned Around
why oh why does it rain today
when the sun would feel so warm
i don't know where it all went wrong
but i'm sure you'd tell me if you could
what if i just turned around
would you follow fast on my heel
so now wander
wayward son
take your heart with you
she will find
the right way to run
and it may be to you
distance tears my heart in two
you're always close but never are you near
restless night leads to restless day
oh i'll never no never live without you
they say patience bears your wildest dreams
so tell me why won't my dreams come true
so now wander
wayward son
take your dreams with you
she will find
the right way to run
and it may be to you
i don't know anything anything at all
so what if i just turned around
i loved you so
that's all i know
and even when love passes by
a part of me will always be
by your side
why oh why does it rain today
when the sun would feel so warm
i don't know where it all went wrong
but i'm sure you'd tell me if you could
what if i just turned around
would you follow fast on my heel
so now wander
wayward son
take your heart with you
she will find
the right way to run
and it may be to you
distance tears my heart in two
you're always close but never are you near
restless night leads to restless day
oh i'll never no never live without you
they say patience bears your wildest dreams
so tell me why won't my dreams come true
so now wander
wayward son
take your dreams with you
she will find
the right way to run
and it may be to you
i don't know anything anything at all
so what if i just turned around
i loved you so
that's all i know
and even when love passes by
a part of me will always be
by your side
-Tim
You'll Remain
looking back the years melt away
and of all my days there've been none like today
somber thoughts serve to bring me down
but not right now not while you're still around
things always change
they can't stay the same
you know that's what they say
but my friend you'll remain
all that i know is that i
give to you all the love that i
can give
far away your feet may carry you
but no distance great your voice can't undo
oh how I love the smile upon your face
so warm and pure it fills me with your grace
years will pass me by
quick and quiet as a sigh
but you'll be on my mind
until the end of time
all that I know is that i
give to you all the love that i
can give
looking back the years melt away
and of all my days there've been none like today
somber thoughts serve to bring me down
but not right now not while you're still around
things always change
they can't stay the same
you know that's what they say
but my friend you'll remain
all that i know is that i
give to you all the love that i
can give
far away your feet may carry you
but no distance great your voice can't undo
oh how I love the smile upon your face
so warm and pure it fills me with your grace
years will pass me by
quick and quiet as a sigh
but you'll be on my mind
until the end of time
all that I know is that i
give to you all the love that i
can give
-Tim
Mothers Day
the leaves need no help
as they tumble t'ward the ground
time will pass and seasons change
to turn them golden brown
break away from the mothers limb
and then they will free fall
with all the time in the world
this wouldn't change at all
hey mommy look at me
i'm holding the father's hand
please don't cry or shed a tear
for these things i understand
and i know you'd have done
the same thing for me
but it's my sacrifice
that set you free
dancing tree, spread your limbs
and let the sun shine in
break the rays of glowing light
into strands of golden wind
bend your limb over my head
shield me from the sky above
from which falls the harshest rain
that's dampening my love
hey mommy look at me
i'm holding the father's hand
please don't cry or shed a tear
for these things i understand
and i know you'd have done
the same thing for me
but it's my sacrifice
that set you free
the leaves need no help
as they tumble t'ward the ground
time will pass and seasons change
to turn them golden brown
break away from the mothers limb
and then they will free fall
with all the time in the world
this wouldn't change at all
hey mommy look at me
i'm holding the father's hand
please don't cry or shed a tear
for these things i understand
and i know you'd have done
the same thing for me
but it's my sacrifice
that set you free
dancing tree, spread your limbs
and let the sun shine in
break the rays of glowing light
into strands of golden wind
bend your limb over my head
shield me from the sky above
from which falls the harshest rain
that's dampening my love
hey mommy look at me
i'm holding the father's hand
please don't cry or shed a tear
for these things i understand
and i know you'd have done
the same thing for me
but it's my sacrifice
that set you free
-Tim
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BlueWaters
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- Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:54 pm
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Wow... you know why I keep posting? It's cause I'm obsessed with these songs. You ever have that song that you listen to for a week straight over and over again?
I just read through all the lyrics above and the lyrics for "Mother's Day" just blew me away, I mean really. Your voice just really accentuates the lines at certain points, is that on purpose? I could have you listen to a few of my originals and I'm still searching for what to do with my voice. I'd really be interested to hear about your writing process, guitar, lyrics, locals, all that stuff. And if you are interested, you can check out my stuff as well.
Man... awesome... "dancing tree, spread your limbs/ and let the sun shine in/ break the rays of glowing light/ into strands of golden wind/ bend your limb over my head/ shield me from the sky above/ from which falls the harshest rain/ that's dampening my love" ...that's my favorite part of many. You got your first hardcore fan haha.
I just read through all the lyrics above and the lyrics for "Mother's Day" just blew me away, I mean really. Your voice just really accentuates the lines at certain points, is that on purpose? I could have you listen to a few of my originals and I'm still searching for what to do with my voice. I'd really be interested to hear about your writing process, guitar, lyrics, locals, all that stuff. And if you are interested, you can check out my stuff as well.
Man... awesome... "dancing tree, spread your limbs/ and let the sun shine in/ break the rays of glowing light/ into strands of golden wind/ bend your limb over my head/ shield me from the sky above/ from which falls the harshest rain/ that's dampening my love" ...that's my favorite part of many. You got your first hardcore fan haha.
"eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die..." -DMB
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/bluewaters/
forgot one...
Resigned
where's the fire
creeping tendrils smoke
clouding up my eyes
as i'm breathing in to choke
drag me down
to the end of the line
pass me by
my mind is resigned
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
falling falling now
away from my long past
once carrying this stone
my burden's free at last
but wait it's coming back
temptation deep inside
grab me by the scruff of my kneck
and save me from these lies
could i have been
not so much like me
i wonder this
the way things could be
if you had never come to me
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
oh you made me so high
but it's only fleeting
away from me now
oh away
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
Resigned
where's the fire
creeping tendrils smoke
clouding up my eyes
as i'm breathing in to choke
drag me down
to the end of the line
pass me by
my mind is resigned
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
falling falling now
away from my long past
once carrying this stone
my burden's free at last
but wait it's coming back
temptation deep inside
grab me by the scruff of my kneck
and save me from these lies
could i have been
not so much like me
i wonder this
the way things could be
if you had never come to me
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
oh you made me so high
but it's only fleeting
away from me now
oh away
stay away from me maryjane
don't need your trouble up in my brain
but you'll find your way anyway
that's why i'm leaving this town tomorrow
-Tim
yeah, i think that's my favorite lyric too. you say my voice accentuates certain parts of the lines; i guess this is intentional, but it's something that happens passively. i don't make any particular effort to do this, it just happens due to the emotion in the music. this probably stems from my typical writing process.BlueWaters wrote:Wow... you know why I keep posting? It's cause I'm obsessed with these songs. You ever have that song that you listen to for a week straight over and over again?
I just read through all the lyrics above and the lyrics for "Mother's Day" just blew me away, I mean really. Your voice just really accentuates the lines at certain points, is that on purpose? I could have you listen to a few of my originals and I'm still searching for what to do with my voice. I'd really be interested to hear about your writing process, guitar, lyrics, locals, all that stuff. And if you are interested, you can check out my stuff as well.
Man... awesome... "dancing tree, spread your limbs/ and let the sun shine in/ break the rays of glowing light/ into strands of golden wind/ bend your limb over my head/ shield me from the sky above/ from which falls the harshest rain/ that's dampening my love" ...that's my favorite part of many. You got your first hardcore fan haha.
usually i first write the guitar part. this comes at random intervals; sometimes the whole song at once, but usually several different parts at different times that end up working themselves together into a complete song structure. this happens most of the time, but of the represented songs, Turned Around and Resigned are two of the best examples of this. in Turned around, i think every singe part of the song was written spereately, then one day i was messing around and found the two chords that comprise the verse. after that it all came together. Resigned was similar.
after writing music i just play and let my voice find a comfortable melody to sing. this is where i tend to have the most trouble. i still haven't been able to find really interesting melodies to go with my songs. as you can hear, they tend to stay kind of flat and don't wander too much. while i think it ends up working well, one day i'd like to write some more catchy, interesting melodies to sing to. some of my other songs are more interesting, but this is the area i'm most unsatisfied with.
after this, i write lyrics. i think i've written one song where the lyrics came before the music and it's my least favorite song of mine. writing lyrics comes at different times, usually a stanza here or there. i remember the line you mentioned; i was getting off the bus here at UGA and was walking under a tree and looked up. i just said the line to myself and was sure to write it down once i got in my car. the problem is that this happens all the time and i usually forget to write these lines down. but, all it takes is one good line and the rest of the song just falls into place.
well, there's my process. that was a lot longer than i intended, sorry. i'll give your songs a listen.
-Tim
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