"Alone Tonight" Original Please Critique

[jmoon242]

Hey guys this is the first song I ever wrote and I'm kinda new to singing and playing guitar, but I wanted to get something out there and get some feedback. Leave me some comments....I know its not that great but some comments and suggestions would be much appreciated...thanks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbZ6R4g7Wys

[Taylor614CE]

Hey.

Pro's:
Good voice, smooth.
I enjoyed the choppy strum.
Lyrics good.

Con's:
The choppy strum goes on to long...
needs to pic up alot sooner then the 2 min mark.
The srucuture of the song was weak b/c of this and
it didn't seem to have distinct verse and chorus etc.


This in only my opinion.

[jmoon242]

Hey.

Pro's:
Good voice, smooth.
I enjoyed the choppy strum.
Lyrics good.

Con's:
The choppy strum goes on to long...
needs to pic up alot sooner then the 2 min mark.
The srucuture of the song was weak b/c of this and
it didn't seem to have distinct verse and chorus etc.


This in only my opinion.

Cool...thanks man...some very good points which I am working on now...thanks for the help

[jmoon242]

come on guys 100 views and one response.....even if you think it sucks ass just say so...I need all the help I can get

[Taylor614CE]

Doesn't suck.

Just work on making it more fluent..you know?

Keep me posted.

[lyrics101]

There's a lot you can do with a simple strum like that if you learn to milk it... volume, timing of the strum, an occasional arpeggio, and juicing those words like they're the last thing you'll ever say on earth. As it is, you're simply reciting what you've written.

[jmoon242]

cool...thanks for the advice........keep it comming!