So Set Sail the Toddler King!! (1/3 of Orig) Since I've....

[lyrics101]

...disappeared because I got a job in production at a theatre in NYC (building sets, woo!) I started this son of a bitch. I like the title. No one else does.

It's about a third of the way done, but I wanted some opinions on the direction it's headed, the quality of the song itself, the production (no comments on ambience, please, I've heard them all), the 'genre' I suppose, and whether or not I should turn the drums up/down/get rid of them.

The complete lyrics are below. I've only recorded the first verse/chorus, and the bridge is yet to come, but it's a different guitar part entirely with more of a hook to it.

http://jemidai.angelfire.com/packofrats.mp3

I'll get to Idioteque eventually, Austin. I'm trying to find the Verdi opera that they sampled those chords from, 'cause I want to use the original instead of their synth thing.
----

A Pack of Rats (or, So Set Sail the Toddler King and His Loyal Horde of Cherub Pirates)

"wake up!"
grab the guns
get the kids.
the sandwiches?
"did you-"
"there's no time!"

slip the ship
out to the water
sail away
with a pack of rats
and feed the kids
your little lies
"close your eyes
it's all alright"

give up

"shut your mouth-
the fuck are you doing in there?
get down-
the fuck are you doing here?"

wake up.

slip the ship
out to the water
sail away
with a pack of sharks

"sharks?!"

"shut your mouth-
the fuck are you doing in there?
get down-
the fuck are you doing here?"

slip the ship
out to the water
sail away
with a pack of rats
and feed the kids
your little lies
"close your eyes
it'll all be fine"
"quiet down
or we'll tie you up,
gag your mouths,
and throw you to the sharks"

[mdel21]

This is beyond me or anything people post on here. It's completely different and unique.

I'm not sure I like the way the opening few lines are delivered, but otherwise I enjoyed it.

[boy52]

This is pretty wicked. I'm curious to hear the rest of the song once it's built out.

[lyrics101]

This is beyond me or anything people post on here. It's completely different and unique.

I'm not sure I like the way the opening few lines are delivered, but otherwise I enjoyed it.

Which ones? Wake up, or grab the guns and get the kids? and what bugs you about them?

[lyrics101]

This is beyond me or anything people post on here. It's completely different and unique.

I'm not sure I like the way the opening few lines are delivered, but otherwise I enjoyed it.

Which ones? Wake up, or grab the guns and get the kids? and what bugs you about them?

Unless you'd rather not say....

[mdel21]

It's just the delivery of them. It's not like it's horrible, but it just doesn't do it for me personally. It reminds of a Beatles song. I can't think of which one.

[dmbguitar718]

the vocals are a real turn-off, but there's some creative stuff going on behind them. be careful not to overuse effects simply to add unique elements to your music.

pretty cool though.

[lyrics101]

the vocals are a real turn-off, but there's some creative stuff going on behind them. be careful not to overuse effects simply to add unique elements to your music.

pretty cool though.

The flanger's on the vocals during the verse because it sounded really thin and hollow. I need a microphone...