Short little original

Banjobach · Unread post by **Banjobach** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:06 am

This isnt very long. I revised the lyrics about 4 times already and i still dont think im happy with them. anyway give it a listen and give a lil feedback maybe. yeah that'd be nice :roll:

http://www.purevolume.com/zachweidenbach

RunsWithBuffalo · Unread post by **RunsWithBuffalo** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:02 pm

Like the tune man, the guitar is good but personally i don't care for the tone. It sounds a little too fake, too much piezo or something. The little instrumental break is cool, you are quite a guitar player!

Post the lyrics under the link, its easier to critique them when i can see them.

Voice is solid. There are some spots in the song that would be really great with some harmony backup. Try doing it anywhere you hold a word or note out for a bit longer than usual.

Good stuff
Ryan

Banjobach · Unread post by **Banjobach** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 2:23 am

Sorry about the guitar, i had it all on the bridge pickup and none on the built in mic ( i usually blend between the two). As for the lyrics, they are pretty weak as of now. I tried to talk about suicide bombing obscurely but it truly blows. I havent tried doing harmony because i havent ever practiced doing it. I give it a shot though and post with the updated version of the song with new guitar vocals, and lyrics. I guess this is just the trial version. I just wanted to get the melody out before i forgot it, ya know?

Here are the poor lyrics

Take a look
you see the paradox
in planning how to die
and taking other lives
along

"oh are we alright"
I wonder "oh can we not change?"

then you hear
of the child
so severe
and riled
but the bomb
is ticking
not for long
she's gone

Chorus repeat

Soon we'll see the light
I wonder "can we not change"

Thanks for the feedback

afurth · Unread post by **afurth** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:49 am

can't download cause I'm at work... but i REALLY like the lyrics. i'm quite a fan of the abstract, implicit things youre doing with your images. it's a lot more mature and developed than many of the things people post on these boards. combine that with your guitar prowess (first response) and you should have a great tune on your hands. even if you aren't hitting notes vocally (since I haven't listened I dunno if you do or not) it doesn't matter as long as you write an interesting vocal melody - that's the next step as far as good songwriting goes - diversify your vocal melody from your guitar melody.

great poetry though - i really enjoyed it

Banjobach · Unread post by **Banjobach** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:14 pm

well shoot... i gess im being overly critical about my lyrics. Maybe I'll changing them around just a tad. As it stands, i dont like the line "the bomb is ticking not for long, she's gone"

who knows. well i'm glad you liked taht aspect of the song. Thanks for the input.

Easy E · Unread post by **Easy E** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:26 pm

not to change the subject, but kings and saints is really fucking good

jmack · Unread post by **jmack** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:06 pm

Easy E wrote:kings and saints is really fucking good

ut4ever8 · Unread post by **ut4ever8** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:13 pm

kinda random, but how old are you Zach?

Banjobach · Unread post by **Banjobach** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:51 pm

Easy E wrote:not to change the subject, but kings and saints is really fucking good

Glad you liked it. I'm 18. Thanks for the feed back.

DMBTabs.com

Short little original

Short little original

Who is online